Married Without Children

Yep, It's Really Me!

2010-07-17T13:01:00.001-06:00

After some major life changes in the past 6 to 12 months, I'm finally getting back to blogging. But I decided to start a new blog. I'm still playing around with the format and am VERY unsatisfied with the layout right now, but I knew I'd never get started on the blogs if I waited until the layout was perfect. In the next few days I plan to do some 'splainin about where I've been, so head on over there if you want to hear my story!

http://heartofalabaster.blogspot.com

Lessons Learned (and relearned!) in 2009

2009-12-31T22:52:00.000-06:00

I can’t believe I haven’t posted anything since July. That was truly not my intention. I wanted to continue my blog, but well, life got in the way. And I do intend to get it going again, but this time I’m not going to make any promises.

This past year has been memorable, to say the least. It’s been a rough one and I’m glad it’s over, but at the same time I’m extremely grateful for it. I have learned (or relearned) so many things in these past few months. Recently (as in for the last week and a half), my husband, mother-in-law, and I have been spending our days (and sometimes nights) in the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit Waiting Room of a major hospital in Indianapolis.

To put it bluntly, my father-in-law died on Sunday, December 20th. Or at least the paramedics called the time of death in the living room floor of my in-law’s house. He stopped breathing and my husband began giving him CPR but eventually lost his heartbeat. When the paramedics arrived and took over, they shocked him with a defibrillator three times with no success. That’s when they called the time. We thought he was gone. By law, however, they have to continue resuscitation attempts until they arrive at the emergency room. During the ambulance ride they got his heart started again.

They couldn’t fly because of the weather, so they rushed him to Indianapolis to a major heart hospital where he had been over ten years ago during a similar episode. The doctors and nurses there told my husband that he saved his life by giving him CPR. His recovery since then has been slow, but miraculous. He was on a ventilator for several days, but is now breathing on his own. He’s awake, alert, and was able to stand and take small steps today. They never did find the cause of the “cardiac episode,” as they called it, but he will most likely be getting a defibrillator installed in his chest in the next few days. He’ll also be spending at least a couple of weeks in rehab.

My husband, mother-in-law, and I have been driving back and forth to Indianapolis (about an hour each way) every day since it happened. We’re exhausted, but infinitely grateful for the Christmas miracle that we’ve received. Aside from his very life, there have been numerous other “coincidences” that are definitely NOT coincidences!

 My husband and I arrived the Friday night before it happened to spend the Christmas holidays with them. Any other time, we wouldn’t have been here.

 Originally we had intended to get up early Sunday morning and finish up our Christmas shopping. In other words, we didn’t intend to be there at that particular time, but for some reason (!) we slept in. Mike’s dad lost consciousness about 30 minutes after we woke up.

 Mike’s mom is normally alone in the house with her dad. Even if she was trained in CPR (which she is not), she would not have been able to move him to the floor out of his lift chair like Mike did.

 Mike already had the entire week after it happened off from work for the Christmas holidays. His boss has been gracious enough to allow him to take another week of vacation this week as well. Being a teacher, I was already off work for these past two weeks. No one else in the family would have been able to drive his mother back and forth to Indianapolis without some major schedule reshuffling and lost pay.

 For some reason (!) we paid a couple of bills ahead of time that were local bills we wouldn’t have been able to pay from here, but were due during this week.

 Mike and I both got paid the day we left to travel to my in-law’s. This is the first year both of us have gotten paid that day and it provided the extra money we needed to eat and travel back and forth to Indianapolis these past two weeks, as well as help out his mom.

 There are numerous other “coincidences” that we have talked about in the last few days.

All-in-all, it has been a scary, miraculous, and completely blessed time for all of us. We have had the privilege to meet another family of believers going through similar circumstances there in the waiting room. They have been a blessing and an inspiration to us as we have prayed for and supported one another. Family and friends all over the country have been calling, texting, and messaging us on Facebook to let us know they have been praying. God has shown Himself in a mighty way through His miracles, blessings, people, and Word.

We’re grateful that God chose to return Mike’s dad to us the way that He did. But we also know that his dad would have been a winner either way. When we thought he was gone, we were comforted with the knowledge that he was with Jesus. Now that we have him back, we’re comforted with the knowledge that God still holds him in the palm of his hand. As He does all of us.

We’ve built stronger relationships and learned so many lessons through this experience. I was going to make a list of things that I have learned these past two weeks, but being New Year’s Eve, I thought I’d just make a list of things that I have learned (or relearned!) during this entire year. In no particular order:

 Next to Jesus, family is the most important thing on earth.

 Forgiveness is for our benefit, not the person we’re forgiving.

 Never miss an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

 Life is fragile, but Jesus is not.

 There’s a lost world out there that needs our love, not our judgment.

 The stronger my relationship with Christ, the stronger my marriage.

 The church is not a building down the street. The church is the family in the CICU waiting room, the teacher down the hall, and the friend on the phone.

 Worrying is saying that God’s not in control.

 Saying is a lot easier than doing. And they are two VERY different things.

 If I’m not living for Jesus, I’m not living.

 Miracles still happen. Every day.

 God gave us dogs to show us what unconditional love is.

 In order to be the best teacher, wife, daughter, and friend I can be, I must take care of myself first.

What about you? What have you learned in 2009?

Thanksgiving Thursday

2009-07-17T13:52:00.000-06:00

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(Note: This post was written on my Bluetooth in the car Thursday evening, but I wasn’t able to post it until now.)

Yay! I’m glad to get back to Thanksgiving Thursdays. I really need the thankful thoughtfulness it promotes.

This week, I’m thankful for:

1. The haircut and highlight I got today. It’s not different, it’s just that it was getting long and my roots were REALLY showing. It makes me feel sooooo much better after I get my hair did!

2. My very first Inspired Verses party. It went very well and it is beginning to catch on. People have been asking about it and showing a lot of interest. I can’t wait until my customers receive their orders so that they can show them off, especially the jewelry!

3. My thoughtful hubby. Yesterday I stopped at Kroger to pick up something for dinner and got the ingredients for pineapple upside down cake. It is his favorite and I wanted to surprise him. When he got home, to my surprise, he had brought dessert home for me! I guess great minds think alike!

4. A repainted classroom! I put in a work order to have portions of my classroom touched up over the summer. Mostly where chairs and desks had scuffed the wall. When I went in to get some work done this week, they had painted virtually the whole room. I hadn’t intended for them to have to do that much work, but the guys who did it stopped in while I was in my room and I got to say thank you!

5. Beautiful weather! The weather is supposed to dip down in the upper 70’s this week and we are on our way to visit my in-laws. Yay for blue skies, comfy tips and a nice drive!

6. Rest. One of my favorite parts of summer. I usually get up with my husband in the mornings, but occasionally I give him a kiss and snuggle back into my pillow. And it’s nice to know even when I do get up with him that I don’t HAVE TO. Plus the occasional nap is pretty nice too!

7. My country. I was watching a program on TV the other day where some Americans were bashing the United States and putting down this glorious country we live in. My response to them would be, “so leave!” I’m proud of my country and I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else in the world. If they’re so disgusted with the United States, I’m sure there are plenty of people all over the world who would gladly trade places with them. Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now.

8. My nephews and nieces. Whether it’s my two-year-old niece who entertains us with her hijacks or my 18-year-old niece who is headed off to college, I just enjoy being an aunt so much!

9. Sweet tea. I know, I say this a lot, but I don’t think I’ve ever explained it. Not only did I grow up on sweet tea, but it’s also one of the few things I CAN drink. Carbonated beverages give me the hiccups, so I rarely indulge in one, and fruit juices don’t agree with my stomach. This leaves alcohol (ha ha!), water, and milk. Oh yeah, and sweet tea! 

10. Our jobs. I heard on the radio today that the unemployment rates are misleading because so many people are employed but have had their hours cut, or have gone from full time to part time, or have lost significant benefits, or have lost a job and found employment by making far less than they did before. Thank you, God, for our relatively stable jobs.

I acknowledge and am very thankful that everything I have and everything I am is a gift from the Almighty Creator of the Universe. And the best part is, not only is He generous with blessings, He’s also generous with love!

Lessons Learned: Part 1

2009-07-13T12:46:00.000-06:00

I miss St. Louis.

A lot.

I miss being able to get something to eat any time of the day or night. I miss going to a professional sporting event on a moment’s notice. I miss having lots of choices when I want to go shopping. I miss the variety of food and people and culture and events. I miss my church.

Sometimes I wonder why God had me move to St. Louis after college graduation only to turn around and move back 7 years later. Some of the reasons I moved back to my hometown aren’t valid anymore. Granted, I am married now and have a beautiful niece and nephew here and a dad, sisters, and grandma I want to spend time with. But what I’ve wondered is, why did He ever send me to St. Louis in the first place?

There’s no doubt in my mind that it was all God when I moved to St. Louis. There were just too many “coincidences” involved not to believe that it was God. But this is a question I’ve been pondering ever since I moved back.

In the 5 years since I moved back, God has been showing me the ways in which He has grown me and the lessons that I learned while I lived in St. Louis. I still sometimes wonder why God chose St. Louis to teach me the lessons I needed to learn, but I’m grateful for the experiences nonetheless. And I realize that they were lessons I desperately needed to learn. Not to mention that they prepared me for where I am now.

There are too many lessons learned to put them all in one post, so I’m going to share them in a series of posts over the next few weeks. But here’s the first lesson I learned:

1) To Accept Help

I’ve always been an independent little bugger. Determination, independence, and sadly, pride have always been a part of my makeup. This was part of what led me to St. Louis in the first place. I wanted to prove that I could make it in the city on my own. And I did. But God had to bring me down a notch or two because, as the Good Book says, pride goeth before a fall. He really began to show me how much I needed others the last year that I lived there. I bought my first house almost a year to the day before I sold it to move back home. Friends, family, church members, and even kids from the youth group helped me move, clean, paint, and decorate. But I didn’t think much about that. Everyone gets that kind of help when they move, don’t they? Allowing others to help me move wasn’t admitting anything. It wasn’t admitting that I NEEDED others. That I couldn’t make it on my own. That I wasn’t completely independent. So I began paying my own mortgage, cleaning my own house, and mowing my own lawn. That is, until the mower broke.

I tried to fix it. I tried to find a repair shop to fix it. I began to save up to buy a new one. But the one thing I refused to do was ask for help. Meanwhile my grass grew taller and taller. And I’m sure my neighbors hated me.

Then one night I came home after dark and collapsed on the couch. My phone rang. It was the father of two of the kids in the youth group I helped lead. He wanted to know what I thought of the yard. The yard?
I hadn’t even looked.

I went back outside and looked around in the dim glow of the street lamp.

Not only had my yard been mowed, but also trimmed and yard trimmings disposed of.

I thanked them profusely and hung up the phone. And then I lost it.

Part of me wanted to be angry. I hadn’t asked for help. What right did they have to mow my yard without permission?

But that lasted about half a second. I was so very grateful for the help, but I was also incredibly humbled.

I realized that God had orchestrated this entire event not only because I needed my yard mowed, but also because I needed to learn a lesson.

If this family had come to me and asked for permission to mow my yard, I would have turned them down. If they had offered to let me borrow their lawn mower to mow it myself, I probably would have still turned them down.

I was stubborn. And determined. And prideful.

And God had used them to teach me that I was part of the body of Christ. A body part on its own is useless. I needed the rest of the body.

Not just for spiritual reasons. Not just to encourage me and lift me up and help me draw closer to Christ.

But also for day-to-day-just-getting-through-everyday-life-reasons.

It was one thing to be strong and determined.

It was another entirely to think that I didn’t need anyone else.

I did.

And I learned that lesson that day.

I still have difficulty sometimes with this. I still sometimes find it hard to ask someone for help. Or to admit that I don’t know how to do something.

But God always brings me back to that summer day in 2003 when he taught me about being part of the Body of Christ. It was a small event on one little summer day. But it’s had a major impact on me.

And the best part of it is that I have had so many opportunities to return the favor. To help others with everything from words of encouragement to a little manual labor. And it feels good to know that I’m helping others in my Family. My big worldwide family.

And maybe it’s not so much that they need my time or skill or expertise. Maybe it’s just that God is using me to help someone else learn a lesson.

A lesson that I’m still learning myself.

Inspired Verses Newsletter

2009-07-10T12:01:00.003-06:00

Oh yeah, I've started an Inspired Verses blog that I am going to use like a newsletter. If you're interested in checking it out, go here.

I'm baaaack!!!

2009-07-10T11:30:00.003-06:00

I know, I know. I haven’t blogged in like . . . forever.

I really don’t have an excuse for it. Except maybe that I’m on summer vacation and blogging just seems like work for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love blogging. But the fact of the matter is, I’m an English teacher. If I write a blog, I have to perfect it before I’ll let the public see it. I write it. And rewrite it. And then edit it at least once. Usually twice. Then, and only then, will I post it. So it’s a lot of work. And time. Maybe if I could break myself out of my (pardon my French) anal retentiveness, I might get more blogging done.

But I promise I will try. Really.

So what else have I been up to? Well, let’s see.

I’ve been working on some units for this upcoming school year. The writing unit came pretty easily. It’s pretty thorough, so I’m very pleased with it. But then I started on the reading unit and I just hit a brick wall. I’ve spent several days staring at my laptop and materials and getting nothing done. So I’ve taken a break from it for a while. I still have a poetry unit to do after that, but I think it will come pretty easily so I’m not too worried about it.

I’ve spent some time with my grandmother. Not nearly as much as I would like, but it’s so hard. I hate seeing her struggling. I’ve talked about this before, but she’s not the grandmother I grew up with. Still, I love her with all my heart.

I’ve started reading the book The Shack. I wasn’t going to read it at first because it’s gotten so much criticism in regard to its theology, but at the same time I wanted to be able to judge for myself. Also, everyone is talking about it so much that I wanted to be able to participate in the conversation. Everyone I know who has read it usually responds with the need for me to read it myself when I asked them what they thought. So as of right now I’ve only got about 35 pages left. And what do I think? Well. . .

I think that there is a lot of truth in the book. There is a lot of deep wisdom in the book and it has really made me think. Like put down the book and just sit and think about it for a while. But I don’t think everyone should read it. There is also a lot in the book that makes me very uncomfortable. And I think that someone who is not very well grounded in the truth of Scripture might be misled. But at the same time, I might recommend it to someone who is very entrenched in the rules and law of religion. It points you back to the central truth that it’s all about Jesus. That’s a nice reminder. I’ll have to post another blog after I finished the book and let you know if I still feel the same way when I’m done.

I’ve also started selling Inspired Verses. I’ve been signed up to do it for a while, but last night was my first party. My sister hosted it, and although some people who RSVP’d weren’t able to make it, it was still a nice party. The best part is that I received my jewelry shipment yesterday morning, so I had time to go through it before the show. It was my first time seeing the jewelry other than online and I was very excited. Y’all, if you’re not familiar with Inspired Verses or Inspired Verses Jewelry, go check them out! You can only buy non-personalized canvases online, but through a consultant (THAT’S ME!), you can purchase canvases personalized with names, dates, and photos and also jewelry.

If anyone in my area would be interested in hosting a party, just let me know!! I REALLY need to schedule some parties right now to help me get started before school starts.

And if you would like to order something personalized, I can do that for you no matter where you live! It only costs $6.95 to have an order drop-shipped to your house! Leave me a comment with your e-mail address if you’re interested, or e-mail me at IVersesJC@aol.com.

I’ve also been working on the house a little bit, although nothing big. We got a pet vac, which works wonderfully, so I’ve been vacuuming all over the place. And I cleaned out a couple of kitchen cabinets (mostly trying to get rid of anything plastic). We brought my husband’s old PC from my in-laws’ house, so we bought a new computer desk and I put it together (yeah, it was “some assembly required”!) and set everything up.

I’ve spent some time with my family and laughed a lot at my niece and nephew. Cutie pies I tell ya’!

But mostly, I must confess, I’ve gotten addicted to Mafia Wars on Facebook. There you go. There’s my confession. Now it’s all out in the open. If anyone knows of a 12-step program, I might be in need of one soon.

The rest of this summer, I have a short class to take at the end of the month, a trip or two to Indiana, another one to Chicago, units to finish, a house to work on, and hopefully some Inspired Verses parties coming up. And I will try to get quite a bit of blogging in as well. That is if I can drag myself away from Mafia Wars!

THANKSGIVING THURSDAY

2009-06-04T19:54:00.001-06:00

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This week, I am particularly thankful:

1. for only 2 hours of school left this year. That’s right, 2 HOURS! Yippee!!

2. that my in-laws are finally moved into their new house. The house they were in was not a good place for DH’s dad, who has difficulty getting around. We saw it before they moved in, and I can’t wait until we can see them in it!

3. for awesome women in an awesome church! Our church had a women’s event last night. About 60 (or more) of us gathered at the church, were given money, and were sent out into the community to find creative ways to bless people. We then gathered back at the church to share our experiences. AWESOME! I’ll have to share more about it in an upcoming post.

4. for everything material that God has blessed me with. I know that material things aren’t important, but last night’s event helped to remind me that not everyone has a comfortable house, nice clothes, a nice car, and good food.

5. for my husband. I just love him!

6. for great blog friends. Sara over at Grace Gets Greater just gave me two awesome blog awards. I’m going to pass them on this weekend, but for now you can check them out over on the right.

7. for God’s Word. I sometimes forget how powerful God’s Word can be in our lives. I’ve been reminded this week and I am so grateful.

8. that I get to accompany my hubby on a business trip next week. He has to take classes, but I get to hang out in Chicago with no responsibilities or obligations!

9. that God helped us find a great home gym for cheap. We’ve wanted to get one for a while, but didn’t want to spend that much money. A couple that we go to church with was moving and wanted to get rid of one. They sold it to us cheap, so we both were blessed!

10. that t-ball season has started. My five-year-old nephew had his first game Monday night. I love getting together with my family at the ballpark. They don’t keep score and nobody ever gets out. The players spend more time playing in the dirt and waving to their moms than paying attention, but they’re so darn cute!

INSPIRED VERSES

2009-05-30T12:34:00.005-06:00

I’m starting a new adventure and I wanted to tell you about it. A few months ago, I ran across Inspired Verses. Inspired Verses is a company that prints motivational, inspirational, or scripture quotes on beautiful canvases to hang on your wall. You get to choose your quote and the background that best matches your décor. I fell in love with them! Originally, I just intended to find a unique graduation gift for my student teacher, but when I visited their website I discovered that they were seeking consultants to begin a new home party program. I jumped at the chance.

Several years ago, when I still lived in St. Louis, I was a consultant for a well-known candle company. I LOVED my part time job. I loved getting out and meeting new people, getting to see inside people’s homes, and helping people decorate their homes. I didn’t continue as a consultant when I moved back to Illinois, but I’ve missed the experience.

I’m excited to get started with Inspired Verses. You can purchase a canvas from their website with a quote and a background of your choice, but consultants are able to offer one aspect that is not available online: personalization.

Through a consultant (me), you can add a picture, name, dates, or stats. For instance:

I’m excited about the personalization part because it will make for great gifts! You can create a great wedding gift with a picture or quote and the married couple’s names and wedding dates. You can create a great baby gift with a quote or picture of the newborn, the baby’s name, and birth and weight. Graduations, vacations, Mother’s and Father’s Day, and other accomplishments would also make a great gift. As a matter of fact, I’m going to be taking advantage of upcoming baby showers and weddings that I will be attending this summer myself. . .

As if I’m not excited enough already, we also received a notice from the owner recently that they’re going to start offering jewelry! Check these out:

The jewelry will not be available for another month or so, but I’m looking forward to ordering and wearing some of the jewelry myself!

Sorry for the advertisement-like tone of this post, but I really am excited about Inspired Verses. I hope that you’ll check them out and let me know if you’re interested in personalizing one!

What's on my Heart

2009-05-21T20:38:00.004-06:00

Tomorrow we are headed to Indiana to spend the Memorial Day weekend with my in-laws. We are going to be helping my mother and father-in-law pack for a move and celebrating my niece's high school graduation. I love my in-laws, and so I always look forward to our visits. We always have an enjoyable, laid back time and it's nice to get away for a little while.

But as we pack and prepare for our trip, there are a couple of things on my heart tonight.

This week at school has been very long, but good. The kids have eased right back into the routine after the week off due to the storm. A lot of our kids have been displaced from their homes and a large majority had damage and lived without electricity even into this week. So we have been very careful not to overload the kids with work. I only gave one homework assignment on Monday, and it's not due until tomorrow.

But one student in particular has been on my mind. He came to our school because his family lived on the Gulf coast and lost their homes after Katrina. We found out when we returned to school this week that they lost their home again two weeks ago when the storm hit. This is a student who has been an underachiever in my class this year. He's not a disruption or behavior problem at all, but you can tell there's a lot going on behind those dark eyes of his. My heart goes out to him.

Another person on my heart is my husband's former pastor. We found out tonight that he has colon cancer. My husband is torn up. This is the pastor that he grew up with and was like a second father to him. He's taking it pretty hard. My husband thinks the world of him and is struggling tonight with the "why's" of it all.

I've been reminded today of the uncertainty of this world that we live in. But I'm also reminded that this fallen world we live in is not our home. I don't understand the "why's" either, but I'm thankful that this painful life is only a very, very short blimp on the radar of eternity. Someday we'll be whole. Someday we'll live in mansions that can't be destroyed by weather. Someday we'll see our loved ones again.

Sometimes that's what gets me from one day to the next.

May 21, 2008

2009-05-20T19:49:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow (Thursday) is the one year anniversary of Maria Sue Chapman's death. If you don't know, Maria was the daughter of Christian singer Steven Curtis Chapman. Her older brother accidentally ran over the five-year-old little girl in the family's driveway. The news shocked and devastated the Christian community, including me. I'll never forget the sick feeling in my stomach when I heard the news. I grieved with the family as I watched the news reports and interviews.

The amazing part of the story is the strength and faith that the family has displayed since then. Some of the details that have come out since the accident are incredibly moving and inspirational as the family has truly been a witness of God's love and mercy through their trial. This morning I was listening to Steven Curtis Chapman on Focus on the Family. He told an incredible story about a picture and message that Maria left her family.

If you have time, listen to the broadcast through the link on this page. If you only have a minute, click on the "Maria Sue's Drawings" link in the Web Exclusives box. It will give you a short synopsis of the incredible story of this drawing that the family found after Maria's death. Wow! God is amazing.

TO DIE FOR!

2009-05-15T16:45:00.003-06:00

Okay, I know that I already posted today, but I just had to get back on here and share my joy!

I am a lover of all things Cheerio. I love every flavor of Cheerios available. My particular favorites are the Berry Burst and Yogurt Burst flavors. Well, until now.

Have you tried these? The name Banana NUT is true to form. They're definitely banana-flavored, but also have that subtle nutty flavor that I love about Banana Nut Bread.

They're, as my husband likes to say is my favorite phrase, TO DIE FOR!

P.S. If you click here, you can get a 55 cent coupon!

A Sundress and a Board Game

2009-05-15T15:36:00.004-06:00

My niece turns two next Tuesday. She’s the cutest little thing. She was born about 6 weeks premature and spent several weeks in the NICU. I remember holding her shortly after she was born and if you closed your eyes you wouldn’t even know she was in your arms. That’s how little she was.

To this day, she’s still tiny. She has no developmental delays and is progressing normally, but she is just very petite. Which makes her extra cute. She’s just now beginning to grow out of 12 month clothes, but 18 month clothes look so big! I went shopping today for her birthday present, as my sister is having her birthday party tomorrow. I wanted to buy her both a toy and an outfit, but you should have seen me looking at the clothes!

First of all, everything is TOO cute for little girls that age! It took me forever to decide on just one outfit. I could have bought her a whole new wardrobe. It’s so fun having a little girl to buy for!

Another problem was that the 18 month clothes looked WAY too big for her, but my sister says that 12 month are beginning to be too small. I finally decided on this adorable sundress. I love pink and brown! I hope it’s supposed to be a maxi dress, though, because I think it might drag on the ground! Oh well, she’ll be that much cuter, I guess!

I went to Toys R Us to buy her a toy and finally decided on this Fisher Price Shopping Cart. I can just see her short little legs pushing this cart around the house and collecting everyone else’s belongings as she goes.

Note to my sister: If your watch, sunglasses, or house shoes come up missing, look in the shopping cart!

My niece and her five-year-old brother get along extremely well. As a matter of fact, they seem to adore each other. My nephew is infinitely patient with her and will let her play with any of his toys.

Except his cars.

He has been a car freak since way before he could walk. He used to lie on the floor and watch the wheels turn as he rolled his cars back and forth. He has quite an impressive collection. He even has a collection of cars that resemble the cars of real adults that he knows. He’ll show you your car when you visit if he knows you.

But they’re his cars. And little sister’s fingers are off limits.

So I also bought her two cute little cars that I found that are shaped like bugs with wheels on the bottom. And they’re pink and yellow and purple. No mistaking they were made for a little girl!

On another note, while I was at Toys R Us, I checked out the board game aisle, which is my favorite aisle in the whole store! My family has always been big on board games. It’s one of our traditions to play board games for hours on end after we open presents on Christmas Eve. And board games make frequent gifts between my siblings and me. But they can be expensive, so we’re always scouting for games that are on sale. A year or so ago, Toys R Us was having an $8 dollar sale and I bought several of my favorite board games.

But I digress. . .

The reason I mention this is because I wanted to express my complete horror and disgust at what I saw in the board game aisle today. I was scanning the aisle for pink boxes to see if they had any games for two-year-old girls (they did and I came THIS CLOSE to buying one!) when I happened across a pink box that made me do a double take.

Did you know that they sell PINK Ouija boards?

It looked like a regular girly board game, as if it should have Barbie or the Disney princesses plastered on the front of it. It didn’t, but it looked unmistakably girly anyway.

I also noticed that they were located on the BOTTOM shelf. Which, as we all know, is strategic marketing to appeal to the shortest people in the family!

I though about googling a picture of it so I could show you what it looked like, but I decided I didn’t want a picture of a Ouija board on my blog. Heck, I don’t even like having the NAME on here!

I know a lot of people think Ouija boards are perfectly harmless, but I don’t. I don’t necessarily think that evil was emanating out of the box right there in Toys R Us, but I do think that using one makes you vulnerable to forces that the Bible explicitly tells us to stay away from.

Part of me wanted to leave Toys R Us in protest right then and there. But then I noticed that the game was made by Parker Brothers, which means that most likely any store that carries Parker Brothers board games would also sell it. I can’t boycott everybody.

I don’t know, maybe I should have left anyway. I do believe in making our voices heard, but if I started boycotting every store that carried something I disagree with, I would be pretty busy growing my own food and sewing my own clothes!

What do you think? Would you have left?

* By the way, I did google Ouija board when I got home and discovered that Parker Brothers is the sole manufacturer of Ouija boards in the U.S. Just thought that was interesting.

Thanksgiving Thursday

2009-05-14T08:04:00.002-06:00

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This week, I am thankful:

1. that my family and I didn’t receive any damage in last week’s inland hurricane.

2. that there were very, very few injuries in last week’s storm.

3. that all of my friends and family are safe and sound.

4. that the school club I sponsor got our carnival in last Friday before the storm hit. Narrowly!

5. that last night’s thunderstorm did not seem to add additional damage.

6. that everyone else’s yard is just as wet as ours is so we don’t have to feel guilty about our 8 foot grass.

7. for less than a month of school left, although another school is going to be sharing our building!

8. that it doesn’t sound like we are going to have to make up this full week out of school.

9. for the cell phones that allowed me to reach my family on Friday to make sure everyone was okay, even though it often took 37 tries to get through AND the same cell phones that allowed me to stay updated on how my friends were doing in the clean-up process this week even though many of them STILL don’t have power!

10. for the EMA workers, police officers, linemen, clean up crews, city officials, and other hard workers who worked overtime or even donated their time this week to clean up and help everyone recover from the storm. Kudos and many, many thank yous!

Out the rest of the week!

2009-05-13T13:05:00.002-06:00

Here is a picture of the extent of our damage from the inland hurricane last Friday. A back deck that needs to be swept off. I haven’t gotten around to it because I’ve been using the time off this week to work on laundry, spending time with my grandmother, and catching up on grading papers. Plus it makes me feel guilty because of all the damage that other people have had.

Many of my co-workers are still without power this afternoon. Businesses are opening all over, but it takes them a little longer to get to the residential areas.

I just got a phone call an hour or so ago letting me know that we will be out of school for the rest of the week. And when we go back to school next week, the entire elementary school up the hill from us will be in our building for the remainder of the school year because they lost part of their roof. Sounds like loads of fun. They won’t tell us now how that’s going to work but our first day back will be teachers only. I suppose so that we will be able to work out all of the kinks before the kids arrive.

Sounds like the rest of our school year will be verrrrrrrrry interesting!

MOTHER'S DAY AND ALL THAT THAT IMPLIES

2009-05-10T21:34:00.003-06:00

So many things are on my mind and heart today. Some sorrows. And some joys. But through it all I’m centered and grounded with the peace that passes all understanding.

First of all, we’re blessed by the lack of damage sustained by both us and our family in the recent inland hurricane, but our hearts are heavy for the many families who did not escape it.

Over 68,000 families have been without power for at least part of this weekend. Many will have to endure for several more days. Even those with power are meeting difficulties with cleaning up downed trees and not having ready access to materials they need.

Our school district will be closed Monday through Wednesday this week. That doesn’t mean that we will even go back on Thursday. The elementary school up the hill from us sustained major roof damage. Our school lost all of the food in the freezers and will not be able to serve breakfast or lunch until it is all cleaned out, reordered, and restocked. I’m not sure what other damage to our district may have added to school being canceled, but I’m sure one aspect is that the community in general is in a state of emergency. Our students are without power, may have damage to their homes, and a host of other difficulties. I won’t go into all the details of my coworkers, friends from church, and businesses in the community, but it’s a mess.

Part of me feels a little guilty that we did escape the hurricane. So many people are dealing with this and we’re just going about business as usual. Both my husband and I work right in the middle of where it hit and experienced the hurricane itself first hand, but our home received none of it. Why did we escape it? I don’t know, but we are blessed.

*********************************************************

And of course it’s Mother’s Day. We went over to my grandmother’s house today for lunch. We grilled steaks and just enjoyed being out in the sunshine on this beautiful day. I think Grandma really enjoyed being outside, as she’s been cooped up inside for months.

I love my grandmother with all my heart. She was my babysitter when I was growing up. I spent more time with her as a child than probably anyone else. We’ve always been really close and I’ve always had profound respect for her.

With my own mother being gone for 13 years now, and her mom for four, my dad’s mother is all I have left. But I’m afraid she’s not going to be around much longer.

Grandma is 87 years old. She’s been independent so far and is determined to stay in her own house. But I don’t know if we are going to be able to keep her there much longer. She’s getting weaker and weaker. She’s not able to cook for herself anymore. Even the microwave is difficult for her to use. She has used a walker for several years now, but she has gotten so weak that she uses a scooter virtually exclusively now. The problem is that her house is not built for this and she has problems even getting back to the restroom. She has had a hearing problem since shortly before my grandfather passed away in 1995, and we fear that her memory is starting to fail. She spends a lot of her time sick and unable to keep food down.

It breaks my heart.

This is the woman who chased me into the house after I was caught playing in the street as a little girl. This is the woman who had a mind sharp as a tack to the point that all her relatives would call her to find out when someone’s birthday was. She remembered the birthday of everyone she ever met. Anniversaries too.

This is the woman who would beat me at countless card games and afternoon games of Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune on TV. Who would take us out for afternoon drives past the houses of our latest crush. Who had a wit and sense of humor that would not stop.

Now she spends most of her days in pain and depression.

And fear.

I know that she’s ready to go home. She’s told me on countless occasions that she wants to be with Jesus. Partly because she’s ready and partly because she’s just tired. But she’s afraid that He won’t take her before she ends up in a nursing home. Before she’s unable to take care of herself. And it scares her.

And this tears me up.

I know that there is nothing I can do about it. Except pray.

I don’t want to lose her.

But I don’t want her to suffer.

The dichotomy of the situation does not escape me. And it seems even more profound today on Mother’s Day. She’s the only mother figure I have left (besides my mother-in-law, who is a wonderful woman!). She’s probably the best friend I ever had until I met my husband. But she’s not even the same person anymore. In that sense I suppose I’ve already lost her.

All of this has made for an emotional Mother’s Day. And Mother’s Day is emotional enough on its own.

*********************************************************
We didn’t go to church today.

I wanted to, because we got a text message from the pastor yesterday saying that power had been restored at the church and services were on! I wanted to because so many people from church had sustained damage to their homes and I wanted an update on how everyone was doing. I wanted to because I LOVE being in church. Especially our church.

But I couldn’t.

Mother’s Day services began to be difficult for me when my mother died. But a lump in my throat, a tear or two, and I usually muddled through it.

Then I started to get to the age where all of my friends were starting to have babies. But not me. I wasn’t able to celebrate Mother’s Day with my mother or as a mother myself.

But I still had my grandmothers.

Then in 2005 my mom’s mother died.

And Mother’s Day became a little harder.

In 2006 my husband and I got married. Over the months we came to the realization that we probably would never be parents.

And Mother’s Day became harder yet.

I just can’t do it anymore.

Mother’s Day is the one Sunday out of the year that I know I won’t be able to attend church.

I wish I could, but it’s just too hard.

This doesn’t mean, though, that I’m depressed or having a rough day. God is so good. He is my center and my strength and my joy. He has taught me that all of these things are temporal. That He is all I need.

I can’t imagine that Mother’s Day will ever get any easier for me. On the contrary, I’m sure it will only get harder when my grandmother passes.

But God has given me a strength and a joy to get through it. I still enjoyed being with my grandmother today. And calling my friends and mother-in-law to wish them a Happy Mother’s Day. And tonight I’m enjoying hanging with my husband in the knowledge that I don’t have to go to school tomorrow! But the best part is that I know that I don’t have to endure another Mother’s Day until next year.

A CARNIVAL AND A HURRICANE. . . . . A HURRICANE?!?!?!??!

2009-05-08T20:27:00.001-06:00

Today was a crazy day.

Okay, wait a minute, that was an understatement.

Today was a REALLY crazy day.

It started out with a thunderstorm last night. Not a big deal, but when I arrived at school I found out that the storm had been much worse in the county that I teach in. Many of my coworkers had sustained house and car damage overnight from ping pong ball and baseball size hail. And the forecast for the remainder of the day was not promising.

Beta Club was having a carnival this morning at school and my friend Kristal and I are the sponsors. So our first priority this morning was to check the weather and see if we should keep the carnival outside or move it into the gym. We ultimately decided to keep it outside because the carnival was supposed to end at 10:30 and the storm wasn’t supposed to move in until around noon.

The good news was that the carnival went off without a hitch. It was cloudy, but otherwise we had beautiful weather. The kids were AWESOME, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, and it was a great morning. However, about 5 minutes before the carnival was scheduled to end, it started to thunder. So we sent the kids in 5 minutes early and quickly cleaned up. No big deal.

YET.

As we were cleaning up the last of the mess, it started raining and the thunder got a little more serious. So we rushed everyone inside and marveled at the amazing timing of the weather. God was surely watching over us!

The kids were scheduled to be dismissed at 11:30 to go home, but first they were served lunch. Around 11:15, the weather started getting REALLY bad and rumor started spreading that there was a tornado warning. Before long the principal was making a formal announcement and we were herding the kids into the hallway to duck and cover.

It stormed for a little while, but nothing special. However, there was still a tornado warning in our county, so we weren’t allowed to dismiss the kids. They were VERY well behaved, but pretty restless since they could clearly see out the windows that the storm wasn’t THAT bad. They started allowing parents to come in and sign their kids out, but they would not let the busses run or let kids walk home until the superintendent’s office gave the go ahead.

It was a pretty tense and interesting hour, but around 12:30 we got the all clear and dismissed. We were SUPPOSED to be coming back from lunch around 12:30, but due to the delay the principal gave us until 1:30 to go out to lunch and return for a faculty meeting.

This is where it gets interesting.

I went to lunch with 4 other teachers just a few blocks from the school. Everything was fine until, oh, 1:00 or so.

The wind started picking up. I mean REALLY picking up. The rain began coming down horizontally. Flags outside were whipping like crazy. The hotel across the parking lot began losing shingles.

Uh.

Yeah.

We got outta there.

Which probably wasn’t the best idea in the world. We probably should have stayed put.

But we didn’t.

I was actually driving in a separate car by myself because the others had left the school before I did. I soon lost track of them. I didn’t know where they were. But I knew they weren’t in front of me. Or behind me.

But oh, the things that WERE in front of me and behind me!

Leaves, twigs, and branches flying through the air.

Pieces of debris everywhere.

A tree actually fell in front of me as I was turning on the road the school is on.

A stop sign was pulled out of the ground and went flying down the street.

Did I mention I should have stayed at the restaurant?

I quickly sped into the school parking lot, drove up under the canopy by the front door, and ran inside. Several other teachers came running in behind me.

We stood by the picture window in the office (am I making myself sound like a complete idiot or what?) and watched the storm rage outside.

It was really cool.

No really, it was.

I’ve never seen 80 to 100 mile an hour straight line winds before.

But that’s what it was. Many places around us had tornadoes and funnel clouds, but we just had straight line winds.

That is, 80 to 100 mile an hour straight line winds. That’s Level 2 hurricane winds, in case you didn’t know.

In the Midwest.

In Illinois.

I tried to call my husband, but the electricity was out, the landlines were down, and cell phone service wasn’t working.

About 1:30 the storm seemed to be past and the sun actually came out. The principal let us go home.

But the fun was just beginning!

I went upstairs to my classroom and, uh, my windows had been sucked open. My classroom was a disaster area. But this was small beans compared to the destruction that awaited elsewhere.

Before we left the school, we found out that another school in our district had lost part of their roof.

A semi trailer was turned over in the road as I headed home. It wasn’t the last one I saw like that today.

My husband’s place of business lost a large air conditioning unit off their roof.

My dad’s lost more than that.

There were many, many trees down everywhere and numerous times I had to change routes or stop in the road while I waited for other cars to maneuver around fallen trees, power lines, and debris.

Numerous businesses lost their signs or received damage to their buildings.

It took twice as long to get home as usual.

But we’re safe. And there isn’t really any damage in my area.

Wish I could say the same about everybody.

We don’t know the extent of the damage yet, but the news has reported tonight that they haven’t received any reports of deaths or serious injuries. Praise God!

But the insurance companies are going to be VERY busy in the days ahead.

And a lot of people are going to have a hard time recovering.

Please pray for Southern Illinois as we recover from this storm. We don’t even know how bad it is yet, but most of the counties around here are enforcing curfews and are without power. It could be days before all the damage is known.

And oh yeah, almost forgot. Remember the hurricane-like winds I mentioned?

I actually heard a news reporter utter the words “Inland Level 2 Hurricane.”

Yep, they’re actually referring to this as a hurricane!

In the Midwest.

In Illinois.

Craziest thing I ever heard.

Mentorship

2009-04-25T20:25:00.002-06:00

Our church is a relatively young church. It’s only about 10 years old and was born out of a desire by several members of well-established churches in the area to break out of the “that’s the way it’s always been done” mentality that well-established churches often cling to The desire of our founding members was to get back to basics and create a church that was founded on what the Bible says and what is culturally relevant, not what has historically been done.

The result of this is that our church is full of very young families with school-aged children. Our church is very focused on discipleship and helping families raise their children to follow God. I love this heart that our church has for kids and I myself was part of the youth leadership team for a couple of years. We have a full-time children’s minister (in addition to the youth minister) and most activities in our church are very family-oriented.

But even though I love being around so many children, young families, and people my age, I’ve noticed something that is missing and I’ve really come to realize how much I’ve missed its presence in my own life.

Not many older people attend our church. I guess they do not feel comfortable in such a contemporary environment, or they are already established somewhere else and are reluctant to move. And at first their absence was not that important to me. The first couple of years I attended I was happy to help out with the youth and hang out with some of the other young singles and professionals. But lately as I encounter the new challenges of marriage and non-motherhood, I find myself missing the mentorship of older women.

When I lived in St. Louis, I attended a church that was very vibrant and alive, but also well-established. I was a youth leader and Sunday School teacher in the youth department. But I was also involved with the women’s ministry, Upward basketball, and other ministries and activities at the church.

The result was that I got to meet a lot of people and make friends with every age and walk of life. Being a young woman who had lost her mother and was living alone in a big city with no husband or children, I found myself forming friendships with older women who quickly became my mentors.

Some of these women were mothers of some of the students in our youth group, particularly the junior high girls I taught in Sunday School. Others were women who had daughters my age who were experiencing new motherhood or going through the same career and life decisions I was. I could create a list a mile long of women who influenced my life in some way during that time period. And some of those women are still influencing me because I still keep in contact with many of them.

But there are two women in particular who spoke love into my life and provided me with much needed support and encouragement. I will be forever grateful for their influence on me.

The first was Kathleen. Kathleen was the mother of one of the girls in our youth group as well as another daughter my age. Her husband also taught our singles Sunday School class. She took us all under her wing, inviting us into her home and showing a genuine interest in our lives that many of us needed. I was at a point in my life when I was so hungry and desperate for the Word of God that I hung on every word of her husband’s lessons and she noticed. I cannot even begin to count the times she pulled me aside for a well-spoken word of insight or encouragement, a prayer, or a hug.

She was the person who was there for me when God first began to speak to me about moving back home. As a matter of fact, she saw that God was working on me even before I knew it. She knew what a difficult decision I was making and never pressured me in any direction except seeking God. I’m grateful for the role model she was to me, particularly the model of a Godly marriage that I saw between her and her husband. Little did I know how timely that model was!

The second woman became my adopted mom. I had only been attending that church for a short time when I saw her. I spotted her on several different occasions and I KNEW that I knew her from somewhere, but I was over two hours from home! So one Wednesday night I walked over to her and her husband and asked if I knew her from somewhere. I’ll never forget her response, “Oh honey, I don’t think so. I’m not from around here.”

But God works in mysterious ways.

Turns out I not only knew her, but she was at my parents’ wedding!

Sharon was from my hometown and knew my entire family. She didn’t recognize me because she hadn’t seen me since I was a little girl, but she had attended the old country church I grew up in and was friends with my grandmother. We had both moved 2 ½ hours away and ended up in the same church in a city with hundreds, probably thousands of churches!

Nobody can ever convince me that God didn’t have a hand in that!

Sharon and her husband became huge influences in my life. I often sat with them in services, particularly on Sunday or Wednesday nights when my friends weren’t in attendance. They had me over for dinner on numerous occasions. They even babysat my dog when I had to be out of town. And when my grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was Sharon who found an empty Sunday School classroom with me at church the night I told her and held my hand and prayed.

Maybe in a way I don’t need that mentorship as much anymore. I’ve come a long way in my walk with Christ, I’m back near the love of my family, and I have a husband who now leads me spiritually. But I can’t help but think that, even if it’s not me in need of the mentorship of older women, it’s still something that is missing in our church. There are plenty of young women who could benefit from the advice and support of women who have been where they are. It’s great to have the friendship of women your own age, but sometimes you need a mentor.

But you know, maybe that’s my role now. Maybe God allowed me to be mentored the way that I was partly because He intends me to return the favor. Maybe it’s my turn to love and support a younger woman who is preparing to walk the road that I’ve already tread. Hmmmm. . .hadn‘t thought about that . . .

My Bible is Back!

2009-04-24T09:56:00.002-06:00

Those of you who read my blog on a regular basis have probably noticed that I haven’t been blogging that much lately. I’m sorry! It’s just that my student teacher is finished teaching and I have been back in the classroom full time, along with some daily busy life things that have kept me off the computer as much as I would like. But I promise to work on getting back to regular blogging. I actually have quite a few posts that I am really anxious to finish and get posted. It’s just that the English teacher in me cannot post something without going through 2 or 3 revisions, so it takes longer than it probably should.

In the meantime, I wanted to share something with you that rocked my world this morning.

And I am NOT exaggerating!

I’ve been trying to carry a smaller purse because the bigger it is, the more stuff I stick in it. But the problem is, one of the things I haven’t been able to fit into my purse lately is my Bible. I figured since I got a new Blackberry in January, I would just download a Bible application and have it right there in the palm of my hand. But then I couldn’t justify paying for an app that will give me something that I already have about 20 versions of all over my house. So I’ve been hemming and hawing over what to do.

Enter the free Bible app! It’s awesome. I found it online this morning. My favorite part is that it even has a One-Year Reading Plan that gives you daily selections. How cool is that?!?!

So now God’s Word is back in my purse! And my palm. Only in an electronic version. Ah, modern technology! It IS good for something!

Check it out. . . http://www.youversion.com/bb/

Thanksgiving Thursday

2009-04-23T19:29:00.004-06:00

>This week, I am thankful for:
1. for the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.

2. for all the quarrels, misunderstandings, and struggles that go on in my family and community, because it means I'm not alone in the world.

3. for the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.

4. for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.

5. for all the complaining I hear about government because it means we have freedom of speech.

6. for the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking.

7. for my huge heating bill because it means I am warm.

8. for the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means that I can hear.

9. for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been productive.

10. for getting too much e-mail because it lets me know I have friends who are thinking of me.

(Note: This is not an original composition. I received it in an e-mail, but it makes a perfect Thanksgiving Thursday post. Thank you to whoever sent it to me for reminding me of the things I forget to be thankful for!)

One Solitary Flower

2009-04-18T20:37:00.003-06:00

Down by our mailbox, one solitary purple tulip has come up. All by itself. Never been there before. It's pretty.

Thanksgiving Thursday

2009-04-16T19:40:00.000-06:00

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This week I am thankful for:

1. My Savior. My heart has been focused all week on what He did for me.

2. Salmon. My husband and I both love it and I have found so many different ways to fix it. It’s nice to know that we love something that is so full of good-for-you-stuff!

3. Right before we got married, my husband bought a really expensive stationary bike and used it faithfully. After we married and he moved into my house, we couldn’t figure out where to put it, so it has been sitting in a corner and used as a place to hang things. This week we finally figured out where to set it up. I’m excited to finally be able to use it!

4. There are less than 35 days of school left!

5. I got my class back this week! Having a (good) student teacher has been great. I have gotten a lot of stuff done I never would have found time for. But I missed teaching.

6. Friends. What would I do without them?

7. Geese, ducks, deer, flowers, grass, trees, birds, water, squirrels . . . Yes, I live out in the country!

8. Facebook. I love staying in touch with so many people from so many phases of my life. Especially those I thought I would never hear from again!

9. Summer plans. I’m going to be working and taking classes, but I WANT to be busy. Last summer I decided to take the summer off and nearly went stir crazy!

10. A husband who has patience with my craziness.

House Seasoning

2009-04-14T18:07:00.003-06:00

I do intend to post some more of my favorite recipes, but today I wanted to share one of my favorite tips as far as ingredients are concerned.

I LOVE Paula Deen. I think I love listening to her talk almost as much as I love her recipes! She just seems like a hoot.

A couple of years ago, my sister gave me a Paula Deen cookbook for Christmas. It has some great recipes in it, but by far my favorite find is her House Seasoning. She says to keep a shaker of this seasoning by the stove and use it for everything.

We do! This seasoning mixture is SO handy and tastes great on anything. We use it on meat, steamed vegetables, pasta, you name it! My husband loves to use butter as a seasoning on EVERYTHING, so I had been trying to find something that would wean him away from his reliance on butter. This did the trick! It's such a simple recipe, but I'll never be without a shaker again!

PAULA DEEN'S HOUSE SEASONING
1 cup salt
1/4 cup garlic powder
1/4 cup pepper

MUSIC MONDAY

2009-04-13T21:01:00.002-06:00

I grew up in a little country church for most of my life. I remember the music from my childhood in that church above anything else. There was a piano, an organ, and occasionally a guitar or a tambourine. There was no music minister. The choir was made up of whoever decided to step up to the front on any given Sunday, and we sang the hymns according to number.

Some of the times I remember most vividly are the revivals and special occasions when we were blessed by a Southern Gospel quartet. I grew up tapping my foot along with the four-part harmony and blending of voices around those country tunes. Because of growing up in that old country church, I’ve always loved Southern Gospel music. Even though I listen to Contemporary Christian far more frequently, Southern Gospel has always held a special place in my heart.

My all time favorite Southern Gospel singer is George Younce of The Cathedrals. George passed away in 2005, but I love to listen to his music and watch old video of George and The Cathedrals. George was such a sweet, funny, endearing man. And he loved the Lord with all his heart.

My favorite song that he sang was “Suppertime.” There’s just something about this song that takes me back to those days in that old country church. I can see my grandma standing up in the choir pews with The Baptist Hymnal in her hand. So many of the songs from those days were about heaven and going home. Beulah Land was alive and well in my imagination in those days. It still is.

Forgive me if it seems morbid, but I hope that this song will be sung at my funeral someday. I want everyone present to know that I’ve gone home for suppertime. Listening to this song makes me yearn to be there now.

This video is a little long, but I hope you’ll watch the whole thing. I think you’ll really be blessed.

(This is not The Cathedrals, by the way. It’s George with Ernie Haase and Signature Sound.)

My Jesus

2009-04-12T20:04:00.000-06:00

This has been a phenomenal Easter for me. I think one of the reasons it has been so meaningful is because I have spent so much time the last two or three days reading about Good Friday and feelings of others on their blogs. I think my heart was fully prepared for Resurrection Day in a way that it never has been before.

I’m still left with a sense of awe and deep thankfulness, but the real difference I think will be in the way I feel tomorrow.

And the next day.

And the next.

I really don’t think that I’ll ever be the same. I can’t explain why. Easter is nothing new to me. I’ve experienced plenty of meaningful sunrise services. I’ve contemplated Jesus’ death and resurrection many times.

But I had an encounter this morning.

That I can’t explain.

I just know that I want the rest of my life to be different because of it. I’m sure I’ll blog more about it in the days and weeks to come, but for right now I’m just going to rest in this new sense of purpose. It all started this morning with this video at church. . .

The Day With No Name

2009-04-11T21:09:00.003-06:00

Today is The Day With No Name. As I write this, there are only two hours left in The Day With No Name. A day of waiting. Tomorrow's day has a name and it is the most wonderful day of the year.

I found this excerpt from Philip Yancey in Our Daily Bread. I thought it was so profound. I only wish I could have gotten it up earlier. I hope it speaks to you anyway.

In Louisiana, a woman lies buried beneath a grove of 150-year-old oak trees in the cemetery of an Episcopal church. Only one word is carved on her tombstone: “Waiting.”

A friend of mine knows an elderly pastor who delivered a stirring Good Friday sermon titled “It’s Friday, but Sunday’s Comin’.” In a cadence that increases in tempo and volume, his sermon contrasts how the world looked on Friday—when the forces of evil seemed to have triumphed—with how it looked on Sunday. The disciples who lived through both days never doubted God again. They learned that when God seems most absent, He may be closest of all.

The sermon skips one day, though—Saturday—the day with no name. What the disciples lived through in small scale, we now live through on cosmic scale. It’s Saturday on planet earth; will Sunday ever come?

That dark, Golgothan Friday can only be called good because of what happened on Sunday. Easter opened up a crack in a universe winding down toward decay. And someday God will enlarge the miracle of Easter to cosmic scale.

Meanwhile, we wait in hopeful anticipation, living out our days on Saturday, the in-between day with no name.

It’s Saturday. But Sunday’s comin’. — Philip Yancey

GOOD FRIDAY

2009-04-10T11:34:00.002-06:00

It's Good Friday and I'm sitting in my living room, in my pajamas, reading my blog feeds. One of my goals today, on my day off, was to compose some kind of profound, life-changing post on the meaning and importance of Good Friday. I had no particular ideas for that post, I just figured I'd get up and write something this morning.

But, uh, it's 12:46 in the afternoon and I have nothing. And I'm still in my pajamas.

It's not that I don't have anything to say about Good Friday. On the contrary, I could probably go on and on and on. It's just that there is nothing I could possibly say that would ever do it justice. Anything I could possibly say would only be a profound understatement.

So I thought I would be wise to leave it to someone who is much better at putting these things into words. When you get into the middle of the post, it might seem that the author has gotten off subject and is no longer writing about Good Friday, but she is. She sooooo is.

I hope that you'll hop (Easter pun intended!) on over to Beth Moore's blog and see what she has to say about the subject. And I hope you'll spend at least a little time today contemplating the meaning of Good Friday. Have a great one!

I love using billions of dollars worth of military hardware to find Tupperware in the woods!

2009-04-08T20:23:00.007-06:00

A while ago, I posted a blog where I mentioned, albeit very briefly, that I love geocaching. In response, several readers responded that they weren’t familiar with the best sport in the world.

Well, allow me to introduce you!

Geocaching is sort of like the modern day version of treasure hunting. Only the thrill is found in the hunt, not the treasure. Here’s how it works:

1. First, you must own a GPS. Mine is a Garmin eTrex, which is a very basic model. It allows you to enter longitude and latitude, but doesn’t have the additional capabilities of some other GPS’s like mapping. Generally you will have more success if you have more than one GPS with you. I usually geocache with my dad or my sister and her family, who both own their own GPS.

2. Second, you go to the Geocaching website and look up geocaches in your area, or wherever you happen to be visiting. Many people plan vacations around geocaching! The website will give you the coordinates and other information about the cache, like size, difficulty to find, and difficulty of the terrain.

3. Third, put the coordinates into your GPS and the search begins! Most of our searches involve driving to within a close proximity of the cache and then searching on foot.

4. Fourth, locate the geocache! It can be anywhere. Literally. Sometimes it can be as small as a pencil eraser or many times larger. Most caches are not any larger than a large shoebox. They can be hidden virtually anywhere, from a busy downtown street corner to miles out in the middle of a forest to even underwater!

5. Fifth, open the cache, log in, and perhaps trade a token or two. Most geocaches contain a log book and many also contain small trinkets, geocoins, or travel bugs (which is a whole other world in itself!).

6. Sixth, when you get home, log back into the website and record your visit!

As of this evening, there are 766,722 active geocaches in the world. They are literally located EVERYWHERE. They can be very easy to find, or they may be so difficult that only those with scuba diving or climbing and rappelling equipment can find them. Sometimes the directions for finding them are cryptic, but usually you only need the coordinates and a GPS.

There are so many reasons why I love geocaching. I love traipsing through the woods with my family on a mutual quest. I love spending time outdoors in places I NEVER would have bothered to find on my own. I love the satisfaction of finally locating an elusive cache. I love using billions of dollars worth of military hardware to find Tupperware in the woods!

It really is awesome and fun and you should try it sometime! I’ve gotten soo many people hooked on it. Well, except my husband. He can’t seem to figure out what the big deal is. He’d much rather sit on the couch and watch football. Alas, we can’t share everything.

Calling all Prayer Warriors. . .

2009-04-06T21:29:00.002-06:00

I just wanted to ask for prayer for two ladies who have inspired me in ways I cannot even begin to express (and their families).

MckMama over at My Charming Kids is still at the PICU with Baby Stellan. The doctors are embarking on a new course of treatment for Stellan that might involve surgery. Please pray for the doctors, family, and Baby Stellan.

Also, Angie at Bring the Rain could use your prayers as tomorrow would have been Audrey's first birthday. Please pray that it will not be a day of sadness, but a precious day of remembrance and rejoicing in what God has done.

God bless you too my precious friends!

Salmon with Cream Sauce

2009-04-05T18:32:00.003-06:00

I am posting one of the healthy recipes that my husband and I have discovered we really, really like. This one is very, very simple as well as easily adaptable if you want to adjust it a bit for your family. We usually use about 3 good sized salmon steaks for this recipe, but we seem to have a lot of sauce left over, so you could probably make this amount of sauce work for an entire family.

Also, I don't have any pictures of any of these recipes I will be posting (yet), but I am going to try to take a picture each time I serve one. Hope you enjoy!

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The secret of this recipe is the sauce! We are eating low carb, so the sauce is not a low fat recipe. I don’t know if low fat substitutions would taste right, but the good news is that this sauce has a strong taste, so a very little of it goes a long way!

Sauce:
¼ cup tartar sauce
¼ cup sour cream
juice from one lime
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard

Mix the above in a small bowl then chill while the salmon cooks.

Salmon:
Salt and pepper both sides of salmon steaks. Saute salmon steaks in about 3 T butter for about 3 minutes per side (or longer). We like to sear the salmon, as it seals in the juices.

Variations:
Bake the salmon (not as juicy as sautéing!)
Saute in olive oil

And I Didn't Have Time to Prepare a Speech!

2009-04-04T16:15:00.008-06:00

Lovely Lora over at Take Me the Way I Am awarded me two more blog awards! (Okay, she awarded one of them to all of her followers, but that’s beside the point!) Receiving awards is so doggone fun! But just as fun is awarding them to others, so here goes:

For this award you are supposed to list 7 random facts about yourself and pass it on to 7 other people. I've decided I'm not going to mention anything about sweet tea this time (oops, I just did!):

1. I pop my fingers. And my toes, and my ankles, and my wrists, and my back. . . It's a really bad habit, but I've been doing it since I was a wee lass.

2. I have this thing about touching my teeth. With my fingers, I mean. It gives me chills. I know, weird.

3. I have never broken a single bone in my body or had any stitches. I've never been in the hospital and only went to the emergency room for x-rays and once for strep throat.

4. I can't drive a stick shift. My dad tried to teach me once, but yeah, he isn't exactly known for his patience. Neither am I, apparently!

5. One of my favorite things to do in the world is go geocaching, but my hubby isn't a big fan so I don't go nearly as often as I used to. Or as often as I would like.

6. I have a really bad habit of correcting people's written grammar. I don't do it so much in their speech, but I guess being an English teacher has made me aware of print. I'll sit in a workshop or conference and circle all the grammatical and spelling errors on the handouts. If you find an error in one of my posts, please don't point it out because I'll obsess over how many people may have seen it before I could correct it. . .

7. I have the CUTEST nephews and nieces in the world! You can disagree with me all you want, but I know I'm right.

This award is for bloggers who bare their souls and reveal their innermost secrets for all the world to see. Well, maybe not innermost secrets, but they aren’t afraid to be honest! So without further adeau. . .

1. Keri @ Doing Life
2. Stacy @ He Will Carry Me
3. Lindsay @ Suburban Turmoil
4. Nicole @ Madsen Madness
5. Becca @ The Stanley Clan
6. Lynette @ Dancing Barefoot on Weathered Ground
7. Rachel @ Musing of a Former Pastor’s Wife

Yay!!!! Congrats, ladies. If you’re reading, I hope you’ll go check them out.

The awards seem to be making the rounds among all the people I read, so I think I might hang on to this one for now and award it a little later. That way it will be more of a surprise and I can think on it a little longer. But meanwhile, here it is:

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On another note, several people who read my Thanksgiving Thursday post asked about some of those healthy recipes I was talking about. I AM going to post some of them, but I wanted to let you know before I get started where I find most of them so you can peruse the recipes yourself.

The first place is www.e-mealz.com. This is a monthly subscription service (but it’s only $5 a month) that prepares a menu for you, along with a shopping list to go along with that menu. There are several options to choose from, including menus from various grocery stores based on their sale items, low fat and low carb options, and meals for 2. We originally started using the menus based on sale items and found that it really cut our grocery bill down and we didn’t buy random things that weren’t on the list. Plus I LOVE the fact that it gives you a shopping list! (A major plus is that Dave Ramsey highly recommends them!) Now we’ve switched to the low carb option, but even though it’s not based on any sales, we still find that our shopping bill stays reasonably low.

The other place I have found some scrumptious recipes is over at www.tasteofhome.com/Healthy-Cooking-Magazine. All of these recipes are submitted by regular home cooks, so you know they’re tried and true.

Anyway, I know it’s always great to get a recipe from someone you know who’s already tried it and loved it, so I WILL get around to posting some I actually use, just not today! :-)

I'm a Kreativ Blogger!

2009-04-03T17:12:00.008-06:00

One of the great things about being part of the blog world is meeting some really cool people. Even though I have never met Sara over at Grace. Gets. Greater in real life, I know that she is amazing and I’m glad she is my new friend. Just this week, she graced me with a blog award and it made my day! Maybe I’m easily amused, but I think it is super-awesome and I would like to pass the award on to some others.

So the rules are:
1. I link to the person who gave me the award.
2. I share 7 things that I love.
3. I share 7 blogs I love (and link to them)
4. I comment on posts by those seven people telling them that I gave them the award.

Seven things I love:
1. sweet tea. . . what would I do without sweet tea?
2. the color red—it just makes me happy!
3. Dogs! To quote Charles Schulz, “Happiness is a warm puppy.”
4. Spring. The flowers, the sunshine the birds singing, everything blooming, the smell of grass being mowed for the first time this year, baby animals everywhere. . .everything but the bugs!
5. my family and friends
6. my church
7. cuddling with my hubby!

Seven blogs I love, besides Grace. Gets. Greater:
1. Bring the Rain . . . because she lays her soul bare and shares her struggles with the loss of her precious daughter and her love for the God who has sustained her. . . pray for Angie as she nears the first anniversary of the birth and death of her daughter.

2. What a Trip! . . . because she reminds me to be ever thankful for the blessings in my life on Thanksgiving Thursdays.

3. Stacy from Louisville . . . because she is hilarious!

4. The Payne Chatelaine . . . because I know her in real life and her three boys are so darned cute!!

5. Gitzen Girl . . . because she has taken what some people might see as a curse and turned it into a blessing and she makes the most amazing canvases. WARNING: if you view her blog, you might want one!

6. Stuff Christians Like . . . because sometimes I’m offended, sometimes I’m challenged, but mostly I’m amused. . .

7. Kelly’s Korner . . . because I just can’t stop looking at those adorable pictures of adorable little Harper in her adorable little outfits. I hope if I ever have a baby that she’s as well dressed!

I hope you'll go visit them!

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Oh yeah, and to those of you who requested that I post some of those recipes I referenced in my last post, I hear ya!

THANKSGIVING THURSDAY

2009-04-02T20:20:00.000-06:00

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I have been so busy the last two weeks that I haven’t been able to blog much. I’ve gotten SEVERAL blogs started, but haven’t had the chance to finish any of them. I hope to do a little catching up this weekend. But meanwhile . . .

Things I am thankful for this week:

1. I am going to be out of the classroom all week next week. Monday through Thursday I’m working on a special district committee and we don’t have school on Friday. I love my students, but breaks are always nice!
2. My dad and I had a safe trip back and forth to St. Louis today despite some pretty hard rain.
3. My dad got a good report at the doctor’s today.
4. My husband’s work seems to be picking up a little bit. More business means more money! :-)
5. Our dryer seems to be getting ready to kick the bucket, but I’m expecting my tax check any day. God’s timing is perfect!
6. God has really been speaking to me through a book I am reading. I’ll probably write a blog about it before long. . .
7. I love our church.
8. I have found some really healthy but DELICIOUS recipes that both myself and my husband love (trust me, this is a BIG deal!).
9. I am sooo thankful for the difference between men and women. It’s frustrating sometimes, but God’s design makes life interesting!
10. I adore my husband. Did I mention that already? I thank God for him every day.

Music Monday

2009-03-30T21:07:00.002-06:00

One of the reasons people often give for rejecting Christianity is that they think it is too restrictive and that the Bible is nothing more than a book of rules they could never follow.

I think sometimes we as Christians perpetuate this feeling by trying to force the Ten Commandments down people’s throats. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that the Ten Commandments still apply and that our country’s current rejection of them is keeping us from many blessings, if not bringing wrath. But I also think that we cannot expect non-Christians to understand why the Ten Commandments are important.

The Bible itself says that “the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God” (I Corinthians 1:18). In other words, I cannot blame non-Christians for their rejection of the Bible. The Bible itself says that they will consider it foolishness.

But that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t make me sad. I love God’s Word so much. It is so beautiful and precious. It makes me sad that the world views the Bible as a list of rules and God as a harsh task-master. Because that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Yes, the Bible contains God’s law. It points out how deprived we are and how much we need Him. But it is so much more than that.

The Bible is a love letter.

The story of the gospel is God’s love letter to us in that He wants us to know not only how much He loves us, but the lengths that He has gone and will go to capture our hearts. No lover could ever pen a letter as beautiful or as meaningful as the one God inspired hundreds and thousands of years ago.

A letter to you.

A letter to me.

A letter that reveals the very heart of the creator of the universe and His love for His children.

Third Day is one of my favorite Christian artists. Many of the lyrics in their songs say so much. That is, if you can understand what Mac Powell is singing.  Several years ago, they recorded a song called “Love Song,” and it is like a love letter written to us by Jesus. Kinda like the Bible.

If only everyone could see that this is really what the Bible is trying to say. God loves His children so much. He’s gone to some pretty extreme measures to prove that.

I love to imagine Jesus sitting down with a pen in his hand to write a love letter to me. The most beautiful love letter ever written. And I don’t even have to wait to receive it in the mail. I can read it any time I want.

So can you.

Thanksgiving Thursday

2009-03-26T20:39:00.003-06:00

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This week, I am thankful for:

1. By this time tomorrow, parent-teacher conferences will be OVER!

2. Baby Stellan seems to be doing better, although MckMama is pissed. Keep them in your prayers!

3. A neat opportunity that I've been given. I'll have to save the details for later. . .

4. SPRING HAS SPRUNG!

5. We have started the 4th quarter of the school year. Not that I'm ready to get out or anything. . .

6. My dad has an appointment with a specialist to FINALLY find out what is wrong with his stomach.

7. My NCAA bracket is looking pretty good! (Not that this is life altering, but I believe that God wants us to enjoy life. . .)

8. Sweet tea. Did I mention that 100 times already? But seriously, DH and I have been trying to eat healthier, so we started cutting back on the sugar in the sweet tea. It didn't last long (the sugar cut back, not the eating healthy). My sweet tea is back, baby!

9. I got my hair cut and highlighted today and it is really cute. Little things mean a lot!

10. My sweet little doggy. Last night when P/T conferences were over, I called DH and he started talking baby talk to me (don't you dare tell him I told you that!). He said that Mazie came running downstairs when she heard that and ran to the front door because she thought it meant I was home. Isn't that sweet?

A Question

2009-03-25T20:29:00.003-06:00

Have you ever noticed how GOOD an ice cold glass of milk tastes after you eat some chocolate?

Just sayin'.

MUSIC MONDAY

2009-03-23T19:40:00.004-06:00

I have a confession to make.

I am a worrier.

I know, I know. The Bible says not to. But I come by it naturally. My dear grandmother is a worrier, too.

I’ve struggled with it all my life. I worry about our finances. I worry about our health. I worry about my biological clock running out. I worry about what people think of me. I worry about whether I’m doing a good job at work. I worry about everything.

I try not to. I know that God holds me in the palm of His hand. I know that He has it all under control. And I am much better than I used to be.

But it’s still a struggle. I have learned that it is something I have to give over to Him on a daily basis. If I start my day by giving Him everything, it’s a great day.

But if I don’t, well, the enemy knows how to use it!

In the process of learning how to be worry-free, God has used a lot of people, circumstances, and even songs to teach me and bring me closer to Him.

One song that has really meant a lot to me lately is “Fearless Heart” by Point of Grace. Normally, I’m not a big Point of Grace fan, but this song has had a big impact on me. One of the reasons is that it has helped me to see that worry is really fear. Worry is saying that I’m afraid of the future. That I’m afraid that God is going to allow something to happen that I can’t handle. That I’m afraid that He’s not really in control. Or that He doesn’t really love me.

And I know better than that!

So I’ve chosen to live with a fearless heart. I’ve chosen to have the courage that comes from trusting in God. In my opinion, it’s the only way to live!

(Don't forget to turn the music player off at the bottom of the page before listening!)

Watch Video:

Fearless Heart (Point Of Grace)

Video Code provided by MusicRemedy.Com

Pray for Baby Stellan!

2009-03-23T16:32:00.002-06:00

I don't know how many of you follow MckMama's blog over at My Charming Kids, but Baby Stellan is in need of prayers! She hasn't updated in a while, which has me concerned, so please, please, please lift up this precious baby and his family in prayer! Thank you!

MY PET PEEVE

2009-03-20T18:52:00.004-06:00

We all have our pet peeves. Personally, I have different pet peeves depending on the situation or location. Then there are the pet peeves that come and go versus the ones that stand the test of time. The sound of scraping forks on dinner plates, for instance. That one has ALWAYS gotten on my nerves!

But just in the last couple of years, there is a new one that is very quickly making its way right up to the top of my list.

Before I reveal what it is, let me set the scene for you. My husband and I buy into the Dave Ramsey philosophy of financial planning and have been trying to live on cash as much as possible. We don’t own a single credit card and we try to reserve our debit cards for things like online purchases or reserving hotel rooms.

Needless to say, I often feel akin to the lady in the commercial where the world comes to a halt when she tries to make a purchase with a check. Everyone is staring at her and silently calling her names because she is holding up the line. This happens to me all the time. Only, the person in front of me and the person behind me swipe their cards and are on their way, while I am given evil stares for counting out my twenty-two dollars and eighty-five cents. Imagine the looks I get when I tell the cashier that I DON’T want to save 10% just by applying for a store credit card because we don’t believe in credit!

But I digress. The point is, America has a thing for credit and cash has become the enemy. My mother-in-law even told us this past weekend that she can no long cash in her collected pennies at the bank because they have stopped accepting them! My husband and I are trying to follow a biblical worldview, which asks us to be set apart in more ways than one. I never imagined that would include the way I purchase toiletries!

Which leads me to my pet peeve. If you do not use cash on a daily basis like I do, you may have never experienced this, but it GRATES ON MY NERVES! When I make a purchase with cash and I am receiving change for my purchase, the cashier places the bills across my palm, the receipt next, and the change on top. DO THEY KNOW HOW AWKWARD THIS IS?

I have come to the conclusion that there is an evil conspiracy against those of us who are cash users. I think they are trying to root us out so that we no longer exist. The reason I say this is because it seems to be a universal practice no matter where I shop. I think they are instructing the cashiers to give me my cash in this way specifically because they know how annoying it is. I think that they think I will stop using cash if I am made to fumble with the money in order to return it to my purse. It is bad enough that everyone is staring at this ultra-conservative, stuck-in-the-olden-days, weirdish woman who actually has the nerve to pay with CASH! Now they are huffing and puffing because they are forced to wait on me to figure out how to put the bills and coins away without sending dimes skipping across the floor.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just hypersensitive or self-conscious or easily annoyed. Does anyone else have this problem? Or is it just me?

Thanksgiving Thursday

2009-03-19T18:30:00.001-06:00

This week, I am particularly thankful for:

1. a safe trip back and forth to visit my in-laws last weekend.
2. the warm sun on my skin.
3. Spring officially starting tomorrow!
4. that I was not the person in the ambulance I saw waiting at an intersection this afternoon (with lights on and siren blaring) because the oncoming traffic would not stop!
5. the opportunity to learn from a Google certified teacher today
6. that my laptop was not completely dead on Monday like I originally thought
7. new blog friends that seem to be kindred spirits
8. new energy since my hubby and I have been trying really hard to eat right
9. getting to spend the whole weekend with my hubby
10. my Prince Charming

WORD-FILLED WEDNESDAY

2009-03-18T14:41:00.006-06:00

Isaiah 18:4 This is what the LORD says to me:
"I will remain quiet and will look on from my dwelling place,
like shimmering heat in the sunshine,
like a cloud of dew in the heat of harvest."

Dictionary.com defines dew as “Something moist, fresh, pure, or renewing.”

Renewing. I like that word.

I like thinking that, when life gets tough, when I feel like I don’t have the strength to go on anymore, when I’m worn out and worn down and have nothing else to give, God steps in. He renews me with a cloud of dew in the midst of the heat. And refreshes me with His love. He watches over me from His dwelling place.

Ahhhhh. . . .

To have your own Word-Filled Wednesday, hop on over to The 160 Acre Woods.

Digital Natives

2009-03-17T14:42:00.002-06:00

The technology director in my school district had to start offering prizes to get people in our district to check their school e-mail. How sad is that?

Today’s youth is called the Digital Generation. They’re digital natives.

They don’t remember a time when music was purchased on a cassette tape.

Most of them don’t even bother with CDs.

Their world revolves around computer games, Myspace, mp3’s, texting, and digital television.

They grew up with the Internet.

They don’t own a dictionary or a set of encyclopedias.

The answer to every question they have is googled and available at the touch of a button.

They can send a text message without looking at their phone keys.

And they think that LOL, OMG and BFN are actual words.

But 70% or more of my colleagues have not visited the computer lab one time this year with their classes.

That frustrates me. Confuses me. And saddens me.

Check out this video about the Digital Generation (don't forget to turn the music player off at the bottom of the page before watching!):

If you are a teacher, please utilize technology in your classroom.

If you are a parent, please teach your children how to utilize technology responsibly.

Your child’s/student’s employment future may hang in the balance!

Can You Keep Your Windows Clean?

2009-03-16T15:19:00.007-06:00

Several years ago a friend and I went on a road trip one summer. We both brought CDs and we were sharing some of our favorite songs. She played this song for me and I had never heard it before. To be honest, I haven’t been the same since.

This is one of those songs that hit you somewhere deep in your soul. If you are a Christian, you’ve probably had some of those “a-ha” moments when something that is painfully obvious makes itself apparent in a way that makes you realize you’ve been blind.

I’ve grown up in church most of my life. I asked Jesus into my heart as a little girl. I was involved in youth group, attended Bible study, and was on a creative ministry team in college.

But I think when you grow up with something in your life you often take it for granted or don’t see it as it really is. I haven’t always followed Jesus the way I should, and confess I’ve been a prodigal daughter more than once. But I have always been aware of the saving grace and mercy of my Lord and Savior.

I just sometimes take it for granted.

Sometimes I think growing up in a Christian family has made me a little bit numb to the wonder that is Jesus. He deserves so much more awe than I give Him. If I would just stop and think, for just a moment, how awesome it is that the God of the universe loved me enough to sacrifice His own Son and is preparing for me a place in heaven, my daily life would be so different.

I wouldn’t be afraid of death, I would be anxious for it. Every moment of my life would be lived in anticipation of going home. I would take advantage of every single opportunity I had to share Jesus with others. I would live every moment of my life on purpose.

And yet I don’t. I get so wrapped up in my “life” that I don’t live in anticipation of Heaven. And really, isn’t that what life’s all about?

I tried to find a video or recording of this song, but it’s so obscure it wasn’t even on iTunes. But I’m going to find a copy of it. It’s an awesome song. And it’s the way I want to live.

Fingertips and Noses sung by Newsong

Up in the hills somewhere in Kentucky
In a little old school way back in the nothing
Where special kids born with special needs
Are sent to learn life's ABCs

Their teacher, Mrs. Jones, tells them all about Jesus
How in the twinkling of an eye He's coming back to get us
About streets of gold and pearly gates
How they want to go, they just can't wait
And she can't keep them in their seats
They're all at the windows straining to see

And it's
Fingertips and noses pressed to the windowpanes
Longing eyes, expectant hearts for Him to come again
All they know is that they love Him so
And if He said He'd come, He's coming
And they can't keep their windows clean
For fingertips and noses

She tried to explain to the kids about His coming
She tried to calm them down, but they just wouldn't listen
They just giggled and they clapped their hands
They're so excited that He's coming for them
And the first thing you know they're out of their seats
Back at the windows straining to see

Where will Jesus find us when He comes again?
Will we be like little children waiting just for Him?

With our
Fingertips and noses pressed to the windowpanes
Longing eyes, expectant hearts for Him to come again
All we know is that we love Him so
And if He said He'd come, He's coming
And we can't keep our windows clean
For our fingertips and noses

My grandma has always told me stories about when she was a little girl. She said that her mother used to take her outside and they would find shapes in the clouds, and then her mother would tell her about how Jesus would be coming back someday, and you would see Him coming in a cloud. Grandma said that, because of this, she has spent her whole life glancing up at the clouds to see if she can see Jesus returning every time she goes outside.

I want to live like this. I want every moment of my life to be lived in anticipation of Jesus’s return. I want to be peeking out my windows to see if He’s coming back to get me yet. Like a child awaiting the return of a traveling parent.

Do I live in anticipation of heaven?

Do you?

Wouldn’t it be great if we couldn’t keep our windows clean because of fingertips and noses?

RESTLESSNESS

2009-03-15T08:15:00.001-06:00

A few days ago, Jonathan over at Stuff Christians Like wrote a blog about Asking God If He Wants You to Go On An Adventure. The gist of the post was that, even though sometimes we want to be a part of something big and exciting and expect God to send us on an extravagant adventure, He really just wants us to live our life to the extent that it IS an adventure. (Kinda like that Steven Curtis Chapman song from a few years back.) It really got me to thinking.

In the last few weeks and months, my husband and I have been kinda restless. Neither one of us is entirely sure that we are where we are supposed to be. And we’ve been feeling like God had something big in store for us.

My dear husband (DH) has a good job. It pays the bills. He’s very successful at what he does and often receives praise from his supervisors. But there’s a stirring down deep in his soul that he can’t shake.

Me too. I like my job. I love my students. But I feel a stirring, too.

We’ve talked about it quite a lot in the last few months. Is there something that we’re supposed to be doing? Somewhere we’re supposed to go? Something we’re supposed to get involved in?

I never wanted to be a teacher when I was a kid. As a matter of fact, I was into my sophomore year of college before I even THOUGHT about being a teacher. I felt like God was leading me in that direction, but I resisted it for a long time. I always swore I would never teach. I had no desire to. But somehow I ended up in the education program in college. And I haven’t looked back.

Until recently.

That stirring.

I probably would ignore it, but there have been too many things that have made me think.

The first was a few years ago, before I even met DH. I was teaching middle school youth at my church on Wednesday nights. Three other people and I were rotating the teaching duties, so I was teaching about once a month. And I loved it. I was teaching Sunday School, too, but there was just something about that Wednesday night lesson.

The youth pastor was talking to the whole group one night and mentioned that he had had a conversation with some of the students who told him that they loved it when I taught. They said they always learned a lot from it. I was embarrassed, but at the same time there was a stirring.

I know that I have the gift of teaching. I know that God gifted me with the ability to pull truths out of His word and teach it to others. And I love it. I get excited when retelling a Bible story or explaining a piece of scripture.

But middle school English? Or social studies? Yeah, not so much.

Don’t get me wrong. Like I said, I do like my job. But I’m not fulfilled by it. I’m not content. And I don’t think that God gave me the gift of teaching to teach public school.

Another thing I’ve always loved teaching is outdoor and environmental education. I was a camp counselor every year during college. (Read my blog about camp here.) A lot of our campers were inner city kids and I loved taking them on nature hikes and teaching them about God’s creation.

DH and I have often talked about how our dream job would be to be camp directors. We’re both crazy about kids and crazy about the outdoors. DH is particularly crazy about helping at-risk boys become men. He coached football and was a probation officer for years. He’s got a lot of wisdom to offer.

We’re feeling discontent, restless, whatever you want to call it. And God has been speaking to us on a number of levels about various things. But not the job situation.

I know that God can use us outside of the employment arena. I also know that he can use us anywhere He wants, including our current job situations. But this sense of restlessness just won’t go away.

But then I wonder. . .

Is this just me being discontent? Or is God speaking to me?

Is He telling me to serve Him where I am now? Or that He has somewhere else for me to be?

Is this God’s way of preparing us for a big change? Or just His way of telling us we’re not living the life we have to the fullest?

I know this is probably typical of the human heart since the beginning of time. We probably all go through this at one time or another. It just seems so real and urgent to us.

What about you? Have you ever felt this way?

Don't You Love Me Anymore?

2009-03-14T10:51:00.005-06:00

Dear Mazie:

You are the best doggy in the whole world, but you really hurt my feelings. I know that you love Daddy more than you love me. It’s just not fair.

I’ve been around for your entire 13-year existence and I’ve loved on you since you were a puppy. He has only known you for about 2 ½ years. So what if he lets you sit on his lap while I am washing dishes, doing laundry, and grading papers!

I’ve loved you and fed you and petted you and let you attach yourself to my hip when it’s storming outside and you’re shaking from the thunder. But yet you snuggle up to him in bed every night and keep HIS feet warm.

When I get home from school, you run to the door to see who it is and act disappointed when it is just me. When HE gets home, you run around in circles and do a little dance, then follow him around the house while he changes clothes and gets settled.

When I call your name, you may or may not come running, depending on if there is food involved. When HE calls your name, you come running from the depths of whatever room you happen to be in.

When we’re sitting in the living room, you never want to sit on my lap. You cry and whine if he doesn’t let you sit on his.

So what if he is the dog whisperer?

I’m hurt.

Don’t you love me anymore?

Mommy

THANKSGIVING THURSDAY

2009-03-12T16:55:00.003-06:00

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This week I am thankful for:
1. Bloggers who design layouts and headers for blogs and offer them for free, even if I am having trouble getting them to work.
2. Enough time during Spring Break to get some stuff done around the house AND go out of town.
3. A hairdresser that I love. When I lived in St. Louis, I searched and searched and never could find someone I liked, so I used to schedule my haircuts for the weekends I was traveling to see my family. I’ve been with the same person for about 15 years!
4. Warm(ing) weather!
5. Crock pots. ‘Nuff said.
6. Daylight Savings Time. I HATE the short days in winter when it is dark by 5pm. I definitely have Seasonal Affective Disorder!
7. My laptop. Right now I’m riding in the car (don’t worry, my husband is driving!) and posting my blog!
8. Easter flowers. It’s always a reminder that Easter is on the way when they start to bloom. They’re soo pretty and really put me in the mood to start thinking about the true meaning of Easter.
9. New blog friends!
10. My husband’s sense of humor. He really ought to be a comedian. He makes me laugh all the time.

Playing Around

2009-03-12T10:12:00.001-06:00

I'm playing around with my blog template, so if you see something really STRANGE, please disregard it! Thanks!

Stuff Christians Like

2009-03-11T06:39:00.000-06:00

Have you ever read Stuff Christians Like? It’s a sarcastic, often irreverent, sometimes offensive look at the crazy world of Christian culture. It makes me laugh on a regular basis, but just as often it makes me think. Today was one of those think days. I was totally blown away by today’s post, Asking God if He Wants You to Go on an Adventure. You must, must, must check it out!

C28

2009-03-10T10:58:00.006-06:00

I don’t always agree with The 700 Club and Pat Robertson, but I love their news stories! The thing I think I love about them is that they’re always positive and uplifting. Even when they’re showing a story about starving children in India, the point of the story is to show you how 700 Club and your donations are helping provide food and medicine to these needy children.

My favorite stories are the ones that show you how famous or semi-famous people came to Christ. It’s just neat to see how God works individually in different people’s lives to accomplish God’s purpose.

Although I never specifically search for the 700 Club while flipping channels, I never flip past it when given the chance. I just love their stories!

Yesterday, I was doing the usual flip-‘til-I-find-something-interesting routine and I ran across their story about C28 Clothing stores. C28 is a clothing store that is hitting malls across America. Currently they are only located in Florida, California, and Virginia, but they are also on the web!

C28 looks like any other clothing store in the mall (it probably most resembles a Hot Topic, to be honest), but the difference is evident when you walk inside. All of the clothing is designed to glorify God. The employees use the designs to witness to and even pray with their customers. The spokesperson said that about 65 people have actually accepted Christ IN THE STORE since they started. The clothing is designed to appeal to the teenager/college student age bracket, but they have some really awesome designs.

I wanted to post an example of one of their designs on my blog, but I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to do that. But, if you’re reading this, check out their website, and if you live near one of their stores, head on over there and check them out! (They also have a few plus-sized selections!)

Glad to see another Christian business making its mark. I’m praying for you, C28!

MUSIC MONDAY!

2009-03-09T10:34:00.007-06:00

When I decided to start Music Mondays, I really had to restrain myself not to go ahead and write about the first song. I had so many ideas in my head that were just fighting to get out, and I even had some rough drafts started and saved on my computer. I was actually pretty eager for Monday to get here so that I could post my first Music Monday!

And then Monday gets here.

I’ve started about five different versions from a couple of different songs and nothing sounds right. It just doesn’t want to flow like it usually does. So I got to thinking about why. Then I realized. . .

These songs are extremely personal to me. Every song that I have already added to my list to write about is somehow tied to a significant moment in my life, some of them painful. God often speaks to me during difficult times in my life using songs on the radio, or even songs that I have heard a million times but receive in a new way.

I don’t mind sharing my personal thoughts, but well, it’s uncomfortable. And difficult. And causes some soul-searching. And tears.

And I’d rather be happy.

But I also realize that sometimes God uses the tears to clear away some of the cloudiness that blocks out the joy. Sometimes it’s the painful experiences that lead us to realize that He is all we need. The joy of the Lord is my strength. How about you?

So today I’m going to write about a song that’s tied to a couple of those times. The first time I heard it, I cried right there in my car. It created a lump in my throat and I’m surprised I didn’t have a wreck, because all of my focus was on that song. The song is out right now. Maybe you’ve heard it.

(Don't forget to turn the music player off at the bottom of the page before listening!)

Listening to this song makes me think of my mom and my grandma. I can’t wait to see them again. I know that this world is not my home and that I’m just here to learn how to love Jesus more. Someday I’ll be with Him, and reunited with the ones I miss so much. Thank you, Mercy Me, for this beautiful reminder of what’s in store.

MUSIC MONDAYS!

2009-03-07T21:09:00.004-06:00

(Okay, I know it’s not Monday, but I couldn’t wait until Monday to post this! So I’m breaking all the rules! So what!)

I love music. I have no musical talent whatsoever, although I am pretty good at tapping my foot along with the beat. But I love music! I can’t imagine what it would be like to live in a world without it. I think it was one of God’s best creations. And I think He knew exactly how special it was when He created it.

I’m one of those people who can listen to the radio and retell her life story based on the songs that are playing on the radio. I remember the song that was playing the first time I danced at a high school dance, the hymn that was sung at a loved one’s funeral, where I was when I first heard a lot of my favorite songs, and what song consoled me when my heart was breaking.

I love all kinds of music. Country, Christian, Rock, R & B, classical, oldies . . . as a matter of fact, I don’t trust people who only listen to one type of music. There’s just something, well, narrow-minded about them.

But as much as I love listening to one of Garth Brook’s #1 hits, or relaxing to one of Vivaldi’s violin concertos, there’s nothing as moving and meaningful as Contemporary Christian music. A lot of people can’t even tell you the lyrics to their favorite songs on the radio. Not so with Christian music, because Christian music is all about the lyrics.

There have been so many times when the entire course of my day was changed because of a Christian song I heard on the radio. There have been even more times when my entire attitude was changed! If I’m in a bad mood, for whatever reason, one of my favorite cures is to pop some praise music into the CD player.

And it’s my favorite part of church. I love God’s Word, don’t get me wrong. I love listening to a sermon that speaks to my heart and illuminates God’s truth. I love the fellowship with other Christians. But the music . . . well, the music ushers me into God’s presence.

Even though I don’t always find the time to actually turn them into a blog, there are always blog ideas running around in my head. Sometimes I jot ideas down in my Blackberry and may or may not return to them later. But when I look back at those lists, I’ve noticed a recurring theme. Nine times out of ten, those ideas came from a song I heard on the radio or at church.

I’ve already written about “Blessed” by Rachel Lampa. And I have a whole list of songs that have recently meant something or taught me something. So I came up with an idea for:

MUSIC MONDAYS!

My intent is to post the inspiration I received from a different song every Monday. I’m sure that I won’t run out of ideas!

Oh yeah, and I’ll start on Monday. :-)

THANKSGIVING THURSDAY

2009-03-05T21:22:00.003-06:00

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On Thanksgiving Thursday, I am thankful for:

1. A husband who somehow seems to know when I’m REALLY not feeling like fixing dinner and calls to see if he can bring something home or take me out.

2. Breaks. Spring break is next week and boy, am I ready for it!

3. Laughter. My student teacher and I had a good laugh with the kids today. Who cares if the teacher next door came over because we were so loud that she thought there was a physical fight going on!

4. Warm weather. It may be windy (see my other blog posted today), but we’re having spring weather. Hope it stays here!

5. My Blackberry. I confess I’m addicted to it, but it’s so nice to have all my communication avenues in one places. Facebook, text messages, and e-mail right in the palm of my hand. I can post to my blog from there if I want!

6. Music. I’ve been listening to worship music in my car all day. I think music is one of God’s best creations. Hmmm. . . I might just have to do a blog on that. . .

7. God’s provision. I’m constantly amazed at how He provides for us. Often at the last minute and often just in the nick of time. But He never fails.

8. Family. We went out with my whole family for dinner last weekend. It’s hard to get us all together at the same time, even though we live within 15 minutes of each other, so it’s nice when we do get together. I wish we could do it more often.

9. Being an aunt. I have beautiful nieces and nephews age 1 to 29. I love spending time with them.

10. Sweet tea. Okay, I know I said this last week, but I can’t help it. Sometimes I think maybe I should start drinking something else, but then I look around at all the other options and I change my mind. Nah. . . .

BREATH OF HEAVEN

2009-03-05T21:05:00.001-06:00

When we got home tonight, our two trash cans were not in their proper place. One was in the ditch. The lid was next to the rock wall at the end of our driveway. The other was lying in the street. So was its lid, though not together.

Today was trash day. This morning we filled our two large trash bins with all the trash from the garage (long story!) and rolled them down the hill to the end of the driveway. (We don’t have curbs out here in the middle of the boondocks.) After work, my husband and I had to run to my least favorite place in the world, so we met for dinner then made a quick trip to Wal-Mart. By the time we got home, it was about 8pm, so our trash bins had been in the road for probably around 12 hours.

Thank you, wind.

After school today, I was trying to load my laptop bag, purse, and lunch bag into the backseat of my car when suddenly the door blew closed and I jammed my finger as I reached out to stop it.

Again, thank you, wind.

As you probably guessed, it’s really windy here today.

Every time the wind gets this strong, it really turns me into a three year old.

Why?
How?
Why?
How come?
Why?
How’s that happen?
Why?

Wind has always fascinated me. When I get to heaven, one of the questions on my “Ask God” list is how wind works.

Yeah, I know all the scientific explanations behind it. I even used to teach weather when I taught sixth grade science. But that doesn’t satisfy me.

Wind amazes me.

You can’t see it. But you can see its effects.

You can’t alter it. But it can move you.

Weathermen can predict that it is going to happen, and even to some extent how strong it is going to be, but really they can’t predict much. Wind is going to do its own thing and there’s really nothing you can do about it.

Wind is very, very useful. It assists in pollination. It gives relief on a hot day. It powers boats and creates energy. Men have been harnessing the power of the wind since the beginning of time.

But it’s also destructive. Wind destroys things. It alters the earth. It can kill. It even blows trash bins into ditches.

As useful as it is, and as much as we take it for granted, it deserves our respect. It’s powerful and often awe-inspiring. It’s necessary but also dangerous.

Kinda like God. He’s necessary for sure. We have no greater need in our lives than God.

But He’s also dangerous.

Unpredictable.

Uncontrollable.

Awe-inspiring.

One of my favorite lines in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe is when two of the characters are talking about Aslan and one asks, “Is he safe?” The other character (I think they are Lucy and Susan, but not sure), answers, “No, but he’s good.”

What a beautiful picture of God. If your picture of God is predictable, boring, and safe, boy, do you have it all wrong. He’s not safe. Not safe at all.

But He’s good. He loves me. And He might often leave me waiting and wondering, but I have nothing to fear.

Breath of heaven, breathe on me.

Word-Filled Wednesday

2009-03-04T20:43:00.003-06:00

I love this verse, but boy, is it hard! You would think it would be easy to humble yourself in the sight of an omnicient, all-powerful, almighty God. But somehow I struggle with this. I tend to think that I can do it all on my own. That I know better than God. That my plans are better than His.

And then He shows me how much I really rely on Him. How helpless I am on my own. It sucks to learn the hard way.

Have your own Word-Filled Wednesday over at 160 Acre Woods.

Getting To Know You

2009-03-03T20:52:00.002-06:00

I'm participating in a fun getting-to-know-you event over at Dancing Barefoot. If you're a blogger and you would like to get more comments on your blog, or if you would like to find some great blogs to read, you might want to check it out!

Thanksgiving Thursday on Friday. . .

2009-02-27T22:35:00.004-06:00

I couldn't resist. I had to add one more thing to be thankful for, because I couldn't add it yesterday since it only happened today. Oh yeah, and I wanted to brag a bit!

11. I am thankful for a considerate husband who thinks enough of me to randomly send me flowers at school just to let me know he is thinking about me. Yep, received these at school today. I love my hubby!

Thanksgiving Thursday

2009-02-26T20:36:00.002-06:00

Today I am thankful for:

1. Some extra time this week to not only get caught up, but to actually prepare ahead for 4th quarter while my students were taking state tests.

2. A hubby and daddy who both work in the car business. My dad traded me cars last night and got my oil changed for me. So nice not to have to figure out how to drop off and pick up my car, or worse yet, wait while the work is done!

3. Other than a little residual chest congestion and coughing, I am back to feeling normal. I hate being sick!

4. Decent weather. Seems like forever since we have seen any!

5. The cleanest my house has been since before Christmas. Hope we can keep it this way for a while!

6. Answer to prayer. I’m not going to go into the specifics, but God answered a prayer this week that has been weighing on my heart. Yay!!

7. Sweet tea. I am soooo shamelessly addicted!

8. A husband who understands me and is my best friend.

9. My dad finding a doctor who finally seems to know what he’s doing. Now hopefully they can cure his stomach problems!

10. Thanksgiving Thursday, because it helps me remember to stop and count my blessings.

Peace That Passes All Understanding

2009-02-21T20:58:00.004-06:00

This past Valentine’s Day was the 4th anniversary of my grandma’s death from breast cancer. This is the same disease that claimed my mom when I was 23 years old. We’re a little too familiar with breast cancer in my family.

Grandma knew she had breast cancer long before she told anyone or even visited a doctor. The doctors say they think she had it for at least a couple years before they saw her.

Grandma never offered an explanation for why she waited so long to see a doctor. And she never allowed anyone to feel sorry for her. She simply said it was between her and God. I think one of the reasons was because she was so wrapped up in her family that she always thought of herself last.

Grandma was the most unselfish person I ever met. She would give you the shirt off her back if you asked her to. She could have a fierce temper, but she loved just as fiercely.

Grandma worked hard all her life and never complained. She worked in a factory, wiring components for dryers. I remember many days when she came home with bloody hands covered in band aids. Every Sunday she placed a large meal on the table regardless of how many of her family were coming for Sunday dinner. We told her many times that she cooked too much but it fell on deaf ears. Grandma knew that those dinners were part of what kept her family together and family was more important to her than anything on this earth.

She also put out a huge garden every year on her own. The garden got a little smaller in her later years, but it wasn’t until the chemotherapy took its toll that she completely abandoned the idea of a garden altogether.

We knew how advanced Grandma’s disease was, but you never give up hope, even when you’re hoping against hope. We knew that God could still perform a miracle if He chose to. We spoke only in terms of day to day. No one was ever brave enough to speak of the inevitable, even when it was staring us in the face.

I’ll never forget when I knew Grandma wasn’t going to make it. We had taken her to St. Louis for surgery and I took her up to the check-in desk. Someone had hung this sign on the wall:

The whole time she was checking in, I just kept staring at that sign. I don’t think I realized it at the time, but I think that was God’s way of letting me know. Not that things were going to turn out the way we wanted, but that things were going to work out nonetheless.

It’s hard to trust God in the storm. I don’t understand why He chooses sometimes to calm the storm and sometimes to let the storm rage and calm His children in the midst of it. I do know one thing for certain. My grandmother had a calm, quiet strength in the midst of her storm.

We lost Grandma shortly after that. I miss her every day, but I would never wish her back. She’s dancing with the angels in heaven and seeing the One who calms the storm face to face.

I’ve often said that I hope I have inherited even a small portion of the strength and courage of my mother and grandmother. But it’s not about inheritance. It’s about knowing the Captain who sails the ship. It’s about the peace that passes all understanding.

I AM grateful for one inheritance. I’m grateful for a godly inheritance that introduced me to Jesus as a little girl. Grandma played a very large part in that. She helped introduce me to the One who is my calm in the midst of the storm. My Everlasting Father. My Prince of Peace.

I love and miss you, Grandma. And I can’t wait to see you again!

Thanksgiving Thursday

2009-02-19T15:18:00.002-06:00

I have been reading Nicole’s blog over at What a Trip! for a while now and decided that I would join in on the Thankful Thursdays fun! I love the idea of taking the time once a week to not only acknowledge some of the things that I am thankful for, but also to share it with others. Indeed, it’s something that I should be doing every day!

Today I am thankful that I have a job where I am able to take a day off when I am sick without repercussions. I have been sick since Monday morning and I have not been to school this week (except for the hour I spent at school Tuesday morning when I thought I could make it and I COULD NOT!). My husband has been sick for the past two weeks or so as well, but he has not taken a single day off work because he will not get paid if he does. I am fortunate to work at a job where I am allowed a certain number of sick days. Of course, this is fortunate for my students as well, because they are not being exposed to my germs this week, which I assure you, are many!

So far, I’m feeling like I will most likely be well enough to return to school tomorrow, but judging by the progression of my husband’s sickness, I doubt if I would be feeling as well as I do if I had not had the opportunity to sleep, sleep, sleep these last few days. Thank you, God, for this blessing. I know I often take these seemingly small aspects of my job for granted. I truly am blessed.

Don't Wanna Be Like Cain

2009-02-18T16:03:00.001-06:00

Well, here I am again. Day #3 at home sick. Monday I was fortunate to have the day off from school for President’s Day. Yesterday, I actually went to school, but lasted all of about an hour before calling the secretary to see if she could find me a sub. This morning I called the principal and never even got out of bed.

As I stated before, I hate being sick. Partly because it’s just so unproductive! I’ve tried several times today to DO something, but I always end up sitting right back down in my husband’s comfy recliner and staring at the television. Between my coughing fits that threaten to rid me of a lung and my trips to the bathroom to grab a handful of Kleenex, I’m either staring blankly at the TV screen (I can’t even tell you what I’ve watched today!) or playing a terribly pathetic round of BrickBreaker on my BlackBerry (say that five times fast!).

It’s so easy to feel sorry for myself. I have been sooo tired lately with just everything that life has thrown at me, but I guess I should have known I was coming down with something. I would much rather be at school, or at least feeling well enough to get up and clean the house or organize that mess of a spare bedroom we have. It seems like I never seem to get anywhere.

Today could very easily turn into a woe-is-me fest. I could feel sorry for myself because I am sick. I could feel sorry for myself because my house is falling apart. I could feel sorry for myself because our finances are a constant source of frustration. I could feel sorry for myself because I’m thirty-six years old and childless. I could feel sorry for myself because . . .well. . .I could go on and on. . .

But Monday, as I mentioned, I discovered this awesome bible study tool on crosswalk.com and began doing a Bible-in-a-year study that includes one Old Testament, one New Testament, and one Psalm passage per day. As you might guess, the Old Testament study began with Genesis 1 and I read through Genesis 4, the story of Cain and Abel.

Now, I have read and heard the story of Cain and Abel plenty of times over the years. I have heard pastors use this story to talk about the depravity of man, the result of sin’s entrance into the world, God’s high standards in sacrificial offerings, and I’m sure a host of other lessons. But as I was looking into what Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the Whole Bible had to say about the passage, a quote by the author really struck me.

“It shows great hardness of heart to be more concerned about our sufferings than our sins.”

The author was addressing Cain’s statement in Verse 13 that God’s punishment was more than he could bear. Cain had just MURDERED HIS BROTHER, but yet he was complaining about God’s punishment. Cain did not even for a moment mourn over his sin.

I confess I do the same. Quite frequently, actually. I have often been on my knees, making my requests known to God, asking for that which I think I need, even interceding for others, but failed to mourn over my sin.

Many times when I pray I do not even take the time to confess my sin. Not that I am denying that I am a sinner, just that it often seems trite to confess what God already knows.

But I realize that my confession is not for God’s benefit. It is for mine. My sin grieves God’s heart, but it is to my detriment. When I do not mourn over my own sin, it becomes unimportant and commonplace. I begin to accept it and even ignore it. And it interferes with my relationship with God.

Of course God cares about the struggles in my life. He cares that I am sick. He cares that my heart sometimes aches for a child. He cares that the economy is a constant source of worry. But more than any of that, he cares about my heart.

More than good health, wealth, or prosperity, God desires my holiness. He desires that I seek His heart. That I long for Him and Him alone. And He knows that repentance means coming into agreement with Him not only that I was a sinner before He saved me, but that I AM a sinner who needs Him daily.

I don’t think I’ll ever read Genesis 4 in the same way again.

Forgive me, Lord.

My Productive Day

2009-02-16T17:11:00.002-06:00

I’m sick. I hate being sick. I’d rather be in pain, really. No, really. I would.

I’m sitting at home on President’s Day, which is a day I already have off (thank goodness!), doing basically nothing. I did put some food in the crock pot this morning for dinner tonight so I won’t have to cook. And I washed some dishes in the dishwasher, but only because I loaded it and put soap in it last night but didn’t turn it on. Other than that, my most ambitious accomplishments today have been reading my e-mail and checking out Facebook. I feel really guilty when I don’t get anything done, and I have tried to motivate myself to grade papers and do some laundry, but I haven’t gotten anywhere with either of those endeavors so far. And it’s 1:30 in the afternoon, so I’m guessing I probably won’t.

Have you ever noticed how there are some pretty interesting things on network television early on weekday mornings, and then about 11:00 it’s suddenly soap operas or nothing? Yeah, we have 200+ channels, but I’m not into Pokemon, Xtreme sports, or the history of England either. I’m sure there are some pretty entertaining movies on today, but I’m just not feeling well enough to make it through an entire two hour movie. Sigh. . .

My husband has been sick for about 3 or 4 days as well, but today was the first day I woke up with a sore throat and a fever. I was sooo looking forward to spending the day with my sister and niece and nephew, who I haven’t seen since Christmas! They only live 10 minutes away from me, which is really sad, but things have just been that crazy lately. So I was hoping to get to spend the day with them. I have the cutest niece and nephew in the world, and I don’t see enough of them as it is.

So I’ve been feeling pretty unproductive today. The only things I have the energy to do are push the buttons on the TV remote or surf the Internet. So I thought I would at least try to do something productive on the computer. I decided to do a search for Bible Study Tools. My husband and I read the Bible together and we try to follow a devotional, but I’ve been needing some real in-depth Bible study and haven’t been able to find anything I like. When I lived in St. Louis, I was a part of Bible Study Fellowship. Our particular group was comprised of over 300 Christian singles who came together every week for fellowship and study. On top of attending BSF, I was also a part of bible studies through church and with friends. It was a time in my life when I grew in God’s Word more than any other. And I miss it. A lot. Our church has a women’s Bible study, but it’s in the morning during the week, catering more toward stay-at-home moms. I can’t seem to find something that works for me.

But early this afternoon, I set out to see if I would be able to remedy that online. Honestly, I didn’t have very high hopes. I spend a lot of time online and on my laptop, doing everything from writing lesson plans to paying bills. I’m pretty Internet and computer savvy and there’s not much short of programming that I can’t figure out if given the time. That being said, I’m pretty impatient. If I can’t figure something out pretty quickly, I’ll move on to something else. I’ve tried Bible study software that was either too complicated or just didn’t offer the flexibility that I was looking for. Until today.

I stumbled across Crosswalk’s Bible Study Tools. Actually, I use the term “stumbled” loosely. I read Crosswalk’s articles frequently and I’ve looked at their Bible Study Tools a few times, but never actually taken the time to try it out. So today I registered and gave it a shot. First of all, when I tried to register, it told me that I already was! So I signed in and discovered that I had registered way back when I lived in St. Louis (over 5 years ago!). Hmmm. . .so either I tried this out once and it didn’t work out or I signed up but never used it and had a great resource right at my fingertips and never took advantage of it. Turns out it was the latter.

I think I’m going to like it. It has an option to read the Bible through in a year. Within that option, you can choose to read it through chronologically, read one new testament and one old testament passage a day, or read one old, one new, and one psalm. While reading those passages, you can choose from MANY different translations, do a parallel comparison, and search commentaries, concordances, devotionals, and other resources related to that passage. You can also highlight, take notes, and check cross references. And of course, if you don’t want to choose the read-the-Bible-through-in-a-year option, you can choose to study in any way that you wish. It will even choose a passage for you at random.

But the best part? It’s EASY. Really easy. You can even start with a series of videos that walk you through all of the options and features. And when you register (for free), it saves everything for you. So you can come back to where you were if you need to.

Needless to say, I am excited. I guess I just wrote a personal testimony for Crosswalk. They could use me in a commercial. But that’s okay. When you find something you like, you want to share it with everyone! So I guess I had a productive day after all. If finding a tool to help me grow in God’s Word isn’t productive, then I don’t know what is. Guess today WAS worth getting out of bed. . .

Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-14T12:23:00.003-06:00

I’m stealing this idea from my friend Amy over at http://thepaynechatelaine.blogspot.com. She posted the lyrics to one of her favorite contemporary songs about the love of God in honor of Valentine’s Day. Now, normally I’m all about contemporary worship songs. We have a pretty rockin’ worship service at my church and I LOVE worshiping that way. But, since Amy already chose the song I probably would have chosen, and, having grown up in an old country church, there is a special place in my heart for the hymns, I thought I would post one of my all time favorites. I don’t know when this song was written, but I do know that it’s been around for a while. Recently, Mercy Me recorded a modern version of the song, and the hymn was sung at Ronald Reagan’s funeral. If you’ve never heard the song, you can find several videos on YouTube, but just reading the lyrics alone is pretty powerful. God’s love is amazing.

"The Love Of God"

The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.

CHORUS
O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints and angels song.

When years of time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men, who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
Gods love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adams race
The saints and angels song.

REPEAT CHORUS

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

What about you? Do you have a favorite song about God’s love?

Dear Parent Who Thinks I'm Picking on Your Kid,

2009-02-13T20:08:00.002-06:00

I’m frustrated. I became a teacher because I love kids. Because I love to teach. Because I want to make a difference in the world. Not because I have some insane desire to pick on kids or write detentions. But somehow, you think that teachers are out to abuse kids and mistreat them.

For the record, I probably write the least amount of detentions of the seven teachers on my team. I try to handle everything in my classroom. I’m trying to teach my students that they are responsible for their own behavior and that they are old enough to accept that responsibility. If I write a detention or call a parent, it is for one of two reasons. Either I have done everything I could in the classroom and it is a last resort, or the behavior is so severe that I had no other choice.

I love teaching middle school kids. It’s a very interesting age, to say the least. My students are stuck between childhood and adulthood. They’re struggling with learning how to act mature and still hold on to immaturity. They’re trying to figure out whether they are dependent or independent. Responsible or irresponsible. Able to make their own decisions or subject to being told what to do. They want to be an adult. But their maturity level, their brain development, their reasoning, and their emotions just aren’t ready.

Middle school students are very self-centered. It’s almost like they’ve reverted back to that toddler stage where everything is “me, me, me.” Literally, students at this age cannot see anyone else’s point of view. If three students are talking and you address them by name to ask them to stop, whoever’s name you say first will blurt out, “what about them?” before you even have a chance to say the other two names. It’s all about their perception. And usually their perception is very one-sided. They do not understand that fair does not always mean equal, and if you don’t treat them fairly (in their perception), you have done them an injustice.

Teaching kids this age is not an easy job. You have to learn to be strict and consistent, but able to cut them some slack when the need arises. You have to remember that they’re still just kids, but also that they learn lessons from every decision that you make. If I allow students to turn an assignment in late, I’m teaching them that deadlines don’t mean anything. But if I don’t allow them to turn papers in late, I’m not acknowledging that they’re children. Children who have heavy workloads, sports and other after-school activities, family responsibilities, and sometimes, unforeseeable circumstances. It’s a fine line and it requires a lot of wisdom. But every decision I make is based on what is best for the kids.

This is why it frustrates me so much when parents don’t see that. I know you love your kid. I know that you don’t want to believe that the story your child is telling you is not exactly what happened. Just because my version is different doesn’t mean that your child is lying, just that his/her perception is different. Or maybe they are lying. Middle school students sometimes do that. Either way, we both care about your child. What is in the best interest of your child is for the two of us to work together. Not against each other.

One of the things that drives me insane is when a student will not take responsibility for his or her actions. So you call their parent. And the parent enables them. Takes their side. Makes excuses. Sometimes even lies for them.

I know you love your child. You are trying to protect them. You are giving them the benefit of the doubt. You want them to know that you love them and believe in them. But what you are really teaching them is that they are not responsible for their own actions. That no matter what they do, mommy and daddy will bail them out. That cause does not lead to effect.

You think you are doing what is best for your child, but you are actually hurting them. You are going to turn around one day and find that you have raised an adult who thinks the world owes them something. An adult who thinks that they don’t have to work for anything, aren’t responsible for their own actions, don’t have to answer to anyone, and can’t deal with the hardships of life because mommy and daddy aren’t around to bail them out anymore.

Bottom line is, I care about your kid, too. That’s why I took this job. I love kids. Your kid. I’m not out to hurt them. I’m not out to ruin their lives. I’m not malicious. I don’t lie awake at night trying to think of ways to mistreat them. I promise you, the day I start hating my students is the day I will resign. I really, truly do have their best interest at heart. And I need your help. We are on the same side. And making your child believe that is half the battle. Please don’t pit us against each other.

I love being a teacher, because I care about kids. Yours.

Sincerely,
A Frustrated Teacher

Red, burgundy, crimson, cherry, carmine, carnation, damask, garnet, scarlet, ruby. . . .

2009-02-07T23:19:00.001-06:00

When my grandmother was young, she always wanted a red coat. My grandparents got married in October 1941 and Pearl Harbor, of course, was in December 1941. My grandpa went away to war and my grandmother moved in with her in-laws while he was gone. Shortly before he returned, she found the red coat of her dreams and put it on layaway. She still hadn’t gotten it out by the time he returned after a 30 day voyage on a ship that was almost lost at sea. As soon as Grandpa found out about the coat, he made her take it out of layaway. Not to bring it home. To return it. He told her that no wife of his was going to wear a red coat! He thought it would make her look like a “hussy.”

Now whether the idea that wearing red was something “loose women” did was an attitude that prevailed back then, or it was a particular quirk of my grandfather’s, I don’t know. But my grandmother honored my grandpa’s wishes until the day he died. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t until several years after his death that grandma finally brought herself to wear a red shirt. Grandma loves red and has worn several sweaters and other red shirts since then, but she still has a small sense of uneasiness about it. We’ve teased her about that and often told her that we’re going to bury her in a red dress just to spite him. Even though we do tease her, I think it’s sweet that Grandma still thinks so much about what my grandpa wanted. But I still assumed that she had “gotten over” her problem with wearing red.

My grandmother’s 87^th birthday was last month. She is on blood thinners and has trouble keeping warm, so I thought I would buy her a nice sweatsuit that would be warm, but something that would look nice so that she could also wear it when she went out. I went to Wal-Mart and, what do you know, found a really pretty red sweatsuit. I hesitated at first, thinking maybe she wouldn’t wear it, but after I found a matching flowered shirt to wear under the top, I decided it was too pretty to pass up.

She was very gracious when we gave her the present, but a few days later I got a phone call. She just didn’t think she could bring herself to wear a red sweatsuit. The shirt and jacket she could wear, but she just couldn’t see herself wearing the pants. And well, if I’m going to return the pants, I might as well return the whole thing and get her a whole new outfit.

I had to smile. I knew when I bought it that there was a chance she wouldn’t wear it. And I completely understand her reasoning. I do still think it’s sweet that she can’t bring herself to totally go against my grandfather’s wishes. Her love and respect for him hasn’t diminished thirteen years after his death. So next week I’ll swing by and pick up the red sweatsuit and return it for something different. Maybe something. . . . . . pink?

I Am Blessed

2009-02-07T22:36:00.005-06:00

(Typed on Friday, February 6, 2009)

As I’m typing this, we’re actually on the way to Indiana to surprise my in-laws. They don’t know we’re coming. We’re going to just show up on their doorstep and surprise them both. My in-laws are elderly and the two sweetest people you’d ever want to meet. I am blessed to have them. Especially my mother-in-law. I lost my own mom 13 years ago and my mother-in-law has become like a mother and a grandmother to me. I have friends whose mothers-in-law are, shall we say, not so much of a blessing, so I appreciate mine that much more.

Thinking about the blessing of my in-laws has made me stop and think about the other blessings in my life. I really am blessed in so many ways. God is good and He has blessed me over and over again. If I stopped to think about all the ways that I have been blessed in my life, it is overwhelming. There is an old poem:

Last night I decided to count my blessings.

I didn't think it would take long.
But I certainly showed poor guessing,
For today I’m still going strong.

So true, so true. Since blessings are on my mind, I thought I would take a few minutes to list some of the blessings in my life. This is nowhere near a complete list. As the poem says, it would take some time to name them all, if that was even possible. But I thought I would list a few of the blessings that have made themselves apparent in recent months.

I am blessed to be a child of God. Jesus’ death on the cross easily trumps every blessing in my life. As a matter of fact, it makes most of the other ones possible.
I am blessed to have a husband who loves me as much as Mike does. As I mentioned in a previous post, he’s crazy about me. And I him. I know that he would lay down his life for me if he had to.
I am blessed to live in the 21^st century. Sometimes I think I would be better to live in simpler times. I am particularly enthralled with the World War II generation. But at the same time, all the conveniences of the 21^st century are hard to take for granted. I am particularly blessed, as a woman, to live in the 21^st century. I believe the Bible calls me to be submissive as a wife, but that’s not the same thing as the subservience that women had to endure in the past. Particularly in other countries.
Which leads me to blessing #3: I am blessed to live in the United States of America! I don’t care what anyone says about it. I know that we have a lot of problems in this country (and they seem to be getting greater!), but there is not, and never has been, a greater country in the world. I am particularly grateful for the blessing of the freedom I enjoy in this country to worship my God the way that I choose and to speak about Him freely.
I am blessed to have a wonderful family who loves me. It’s taken me a while to fully appreciate that, but my family truly is a blessing. My faith comes first in my life, but my family is second and far above anything after it.
I am blessed to have a good job. I have really come to appreciate this one in the last few months! So many people around me are losing their jobs that I’ve really come to realize how relatively stable my job is. And although we complain about our benefits sometimes, at least we have them. Many people don’t.
My two dogs are a blessing. I think God allows us to have pets so that we can see a picture of unconditional love. My dogs love me no matter what kind of day I’ve had and are always ecstatic to see me walk in the door every day. They don’t care if I’ve messed up or I’m getting fat or have gray hair. They don’t even care if I robbed a bank that day. They still love me. They’re even right back on my lap 5 minutes after I’ve gotten onto them for something. It’s not the same, of course, but it is a glimpse of the unconditional love God has for us.
I’m blessed to have a lot of friends. I’ve lived in 3 states and made close friends in all three. It’s hard to stay in touch with everyone, but it seems like, no matter how much time has passed, the friendship is still as strong.
I’m blessed to live out in the country. I lived in St. Louis for several years and I miss it terribly, but I love being this close to nature. I just feel that much closer to God living in the middle of his handiwork. I LOVE waking up to birds chirping and squirrels scampering across the deck in the mornings. I don’t think I could go back to living in the city.
I am blessed to be pretty technologically literate. I thought about not putting this on here, because it seems like such a funny thing to say, but technology is such a big part of my life and it has helped me in so many ways, that I can’t ignore it. I’ve found so many friends through Facebook and Myspace that I never thought I would hear from again. I use the Internet to do everything from communicate with friends and family to shop to do Bible study.
This #11 represents all the millions of other blessings that I am not naming here. Just because I am not naming them does not mean that they are any less important. When I get frustrated because things aren’t going my way, I stop and think about all the ways that God has blessed me.

There is a song by Rachel Lampa that I just love. Every time it comes on the radio (which is not often, because it is an older song), I have to drop whatever I am doing to listen. And usually sing along at the top of my lungs. When I lived in St. Louis, a friend I went to church with would sometimes sing this song in morning worship and did a pretty good Rachel Lampa impression. I loved her rendition just as much. It’s just such a real song. So true and powerful. When I’m down in the dumps or feeling sorry for myself, it always lifts my spirits and reminds me of how truly blessed I am. Take a listen (don't forget to turn the music player off at the bottom of the page before listening!):

Separation Anxiety

2009-02-01T18:54:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow I’m driving to Springfield to spend two days at the state Beta Club Convention with hundreds of middle school students. We’re taking 40 or so from our school. We’re leaving at 6:30 Monday morning, spending the night at the hotel where the convention is held, and arriving back at school around 5:30 Tuesday night. It makes for a looooong two days and we’re totally exhausted by the end. But it’s fun.

I really do enjoy it. I wouldn’t go if I didn’t. My friend Kristal and I are the co-sponsors and the athletic director goes with us so that we have a male faculty member on the trip. The kids stay pretty busy with all the activities that are planned, so we don’t have to worry a whole lot about discipline. Plus these are generally the best-behaved kids from school, anyway.

But even though the trip is going to be worth it and a lot of fun, I still dread it just a little. For one, it’s a long, boring drive to Springfield and back. I also worry about the weather. It’s not supposed to start doing anything (if it does at all) until Tuesday night, but last year we drove through quite a storm on the way back. It’s one thing to drive through a storm when you’re by yourself, but another thing entirely when you’re responsible for 40 kids. On top of that, we do have to be concerned about behavior. We’re spending the night, after all, and for many of these kids, it’s their first overnight trip away from home (aside from spending the night at a friend’s house). Of course, there’s always the concern that one of the kids will get sick, injured, or homesick. And just the logistical responsibility of making sure that that many kids are where they are supposed to be and on time for everything is a chore.

But the biggest thing I dread is being away from my husband. Since we got married, this will be only the second night that we have ever spent apart. The first one was this same trip last year. After we settle in Monday night, I will be able to talk to him for a while before we go to bed, but it just won’t be the same not falling asleep next to him.

We get teased a lot about this. It’s not that we don’t like being alone. Both of us had spent many years living alone before we got married. I’m not one of those wives who would have to pack up and go stay at a friend’s house if Mike did have to go on an overnight trip. I’m not afraid to stay alone. I just don’t want to physically be away from him. We also get teased a lot because we talk to each other every morning on our Bluetooths on the way to work and again during lunch. If we’re away from each other and we have the opportunity to call, we do.

Maybe this is all because we are newlyweds. Maybe one of these days we’ll start getting a little tired of each other and we’ll fall out of the habit of thinking about each other all day long. Maybe one day we won’t be so crazy about each other anymore. But I hope not. I hope that I always love him as much as I do now and more. I hope that I always look forward to his phone calls and text messages and the cute little notes he writes to me in unexpected cards. I hope I always wish I was with him rather than any other place I might happen to be. He’s my husband and I’m crazy about him.

But despite everything Mike means to me and how much I miss him when I am away from him, he’s not the center of my life. He’s not even my best friend. Jesus is.

Everything that I feel for Mike and everything that he feels for me is nothing compared to my relationship with Jesus. I know that Mike loves me with all his heart. But Jesus loves me more. I know that Mike thinks I’m the best thing since sliced bread. Jesus thought enough of me to die on the cross for me. Mike sometimes buys me beautiful flowers that I can put in a vase on the kitchen table and smile at them every time I walk through the room. Jesus romances me with sunsets and spring flowers and the beauty of nature. If someone ever broke into our house and tried to hurt me, Mike would lay down his life to protect me. Jesus laid down His life so that I could live eternally with Him. Mike likes to write text messages and notes in cards to let me know how much he loves me and thinks about me. Jesus IS the Word written to show His love for me. Mike knows more about me than anyone else on this earth. Jesus knew me before I was in my mother’s womb.

One of the reasons I love being married so much is because it is such an incredible picture of God’s relationship with His children. Marriage isn’t always a perfect relationship by any means, but our relationship with God is. As a woman, it’s even more of a reflection because it is Mike’s responsibility to shelter me, love me, serve me, protect me, and provide for me. I know that ultimately, all of those are God’s job, but I get to see an earthly representation in Mike of God’s provision and love for me.

Tomorrow night I have to sleep away from my husband. He’s already getting a little sad about it, and so am I. It’s hard being away from the ones you love. But I never have to worry about this with God.

The Bible says that

. . .neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

God loves me. He is always with me. And I never have to worry about being separated from Him. I get to take God with me on my trip tomorrow. Wish I could say the same about my husband. L

In My Former Life, I Was a Camp Counselor

2009-01-30T23:58:00.002-06:00

My dream job is to be a camp director. I LOVE camp! I don’t mean camping, although I love that too. I’m talking about packing up all your shorts and t-shirts, a pair of Tevas, a toothbrush, floss for making friendship bracelets, a swimsuit, and some stationery, and leaving home for 11 weeks or so to lead a cabin full of obnoxious, homesick, never-before-paddled-a-canoe little kids. I’m talking about the sun on your face, a fanny pack full of first aid supplies around your waist, camp songs in your head, and love in your heart. I’m talking about CAMP.

When I was in college, I spent my summers at a YMCA camp in Missouri. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life now (especially my hubby!), but camp was the best time of my life. It’s magical. I’ve tried so many times to explain camp to my husband, my family, and my friends who weren’t there, but well, you can’t. If you’ve never been to camp, if you’ve never been a camp counselor, if you’ve never given up weeks of your life to do a very tough job for next to nothing, you just can’t relate.

Recently I joined Facebook and began slowly finding old camp friends one by one. Before you know it, I’ve gotten back in touch with forty or so people I thought I’d never see again. And the list keeps growing. I posted a few pictures from back in the day and have had the best time reading the comments and messages I’ve received about them. It has been so nice to reminisce with people who shared those experiences with me, because like I said, no one else understands.

In honor of those renewed friendships and cherished memories, I thought I’d make a list of some of the reasons I loved camp so much. If you were there too, feel free to leave some of your own in the comments!

50 Reasons Why I Love Camp:

The steam rising off the lake early in the morning
Little kids putting you on a pedestal because you know how to shoot a bow/sail a boat/tie friendship bracelets, even though you just learned last week
Getting paid to play all day
Getting a tan while doing something productive
Listening to the sound of rain falling outside the cabin
No TV or phones for the whole summer!
Watching a child’s face light up when they learn how to do something new
Introducing inner city kids to the wonders of nature
Getting caught in the rain and laughing about it
Actually looking forward to doing laundry
Spending the summer with the most awesome group of people
Waking up every morning to a beautiful sunrise
Doing devotionals outside in the woods
Sleeping outside under the stars
Sneaking the air conditioner on during rest hour
Meeting a whole new cabin of campers at the beginning of the week and sending them home at the end
Playing practical jokes
Challenging other cabins to games of Capture the Flag
Dressing up for Zany Campfire
Crowding into chapel
Singing camp songs at the top of your lungs
Trying to motivate your campers to do the same
Surviving on camp food
Trying to figure out how to make your one pair of tennis shoes last through the summer
Getting letters from home
Catching crawdads
Trips to the TLC in the middle of the night
Swamping a canoe
Pop stop
Learning to play Zoogle
Not having to wear makeup, but still looking fabulous because you have that “camp glow”
Playing the cup game in the dining hall
Tying more friendship bracelets than you can count
The feel of sand between your toes
Walking EVERYWHERE
Trying to figure out where that smell in your cabin is coming from. . .
Assuring parents that their most precious possessions are in good hands
Dignified people acting totally undignified
Camp romances
Trying to convince campers to sign up for YOUR clinic
Getting to spend all summer outside
Teaching little kids about God’s creation
Campfires after dark
Overnights
Trying to get out of doing overnights
Ragger’s Point
Wondering if I’m ever going to get to use my first aid training. . .
USING my first aid training
Making some of the best friends I’ve ever had

And the last (but not the final, I’m sure. . .) reason for loving camp. . .

NIGHTS OFF!

A Lump in my Throat. . .

2009-01-29T08:40:00.004-06:00

A couple of things:

1. Football is big at my house. I mean BIG. Joe Paterno is referred to in our house about as often as paying the bills or the dinner menu.

2. Although I have never been in prison, I have an inexplicable link to them. My mom was one of the first female prison guards in the state of Illinois, and there are at least 4 state prisons within 30 minutes of my house. A large percentage of the people I graduated from high school with now work in prisons in one capacity or another.

That being said, this article REALLY got to me. What a story! Read it and see if you don't shed a tear or two. Or at least get a lump in your throat. If not, you're cold. Really cold.

Shhhhhh! He's speaking. . .

2009-01-28T14:51:00.005-06:00

We have several inches of ice and snow on the ground (okay, I don't really know how much, but several sounds good). Starting at about 9:00 last night, our electricity has been flickering off and on at random moments. Shortly before bed last night, we thought it was going to stay off for good and made preparations for a rather cold night. But it came back on and we stayed warm!

This morning we were pretty confident that we were in the clear as far as losing electricity goes. We DID lose our cable, however, and were settled in for an afternoon of watching movies on the DVD player. Right in the middle of one, our electricity went off. It did come back on after a few minutes, but while my husband and I were staring at each other, wondering what we were going to do, I noticed something.

The house was incredibly quiet. There was no TV noise, of course, but you don't really realize all the other background noises that you never notice because they are, well, background noises. The refrigerator stopped humming. The electric clock stopped ticking. Even the lights make a low hum that wasn't there anymore. Suddenly I could hear OTHER noises that I don't normally hear.

There was a drip, drip, drip coming from the front of the house as the sun melts off some of the snow outside. I could hear dogs barking around the neighborhood. My dog was chewing on her paws after prancing about in the snow. Off in the distance, I could hear a motor running. Someone's generator? A car motor? Down the street I could even hear some kids playing in the snow. Sounds I NEVER would have heard if we had been watching a movie.

I am very guilty of not being able to stand the quiet. When I get home from school, the first thing I often do is turn on the TV. I seldom watch it. I'm not a big TV fan, but I have to have that background noise. When I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is take a shower, and the first thing I do when entering the bathroom? Turn on the radio. I can't stand silence. Even when we sleep at night, we have a noise machine in the bedroom. I cannot sleep without it. During planning time at school, I turn the radio on. Driving in my car? Turn the radio on. I am addicted to audio input.

I began to wonder what has made me that way. Is there something I am afraid of in the silence? Is it that my mind wonders and silence is more distracting than noise? Is it just something that I have gotten used to over the years?

Whatever the reason or the cause, it seems to be, as always, a spiritual issue.

God's Word says in Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God."

Be still? Be still?!?! Other than when I am sleeping, when am I ever still?

Several years ago a pastor of mine in St. Louis challenged us one Sunday morning on this very verse. He talked about how our society has become so addicted to distractions that we cannot function without them, but it is these very distractions that have hindered us from hearing God. God speaks to us every day in a multitude of venues. But we are often too busy "listening" to other things that we don't take the time to listen to Him. Our pastor challenged us to try to go for some period of time without distracting noises. He challenged us to turn off the TV and the radio and just sit and listen.

Shortly after that I was driving from St. Louis to Illinois to visit my family. It's about a 2 1/2 hour drive, so I decide to take that time to listen to God. I wanted to see if I could make it all the way from point A to point B without listening to the radio. Normally I sometimes spent some of that time praying, which isn't a bad thing, but I realized that I always did all of the talking. Maybe I needed to spend some of the time doing the listening.

Well, to make a long story short, I didn't make it. I gave it a pretty good shot, but probably about halfway home I either turned on the radio or started doing the talking myself. Typical.

I would love to be able to say that from that point on, I have been ever cognizant of the noises around me. I would love to say that I try to do more listening than talking. I would love to say that I hear God's voice EVERY time He tries to speak to me.

But I don't. It's certainly something I'm more aware of and something I have improved on. But I'm a work in progress. I hope that someday I can live a life of being in tune with God. I hope to someday be able to block out everything the world shouts at me and instead listen to the still small voice that whispers in my heart. Until then I know that I'll be missing out on all that He has for me. I pray that He'll continue turning my ear toward Him in subtle but unmistakable ways.

God's Provision

2009-01-27T11:45:00.015-06:00

Yesterday, with the threat of winter weather, my husband asked me to go to Rural King to pick up a kerosene heater. I REALLY didn't want to, because I had actually stayed home from school because I wasn't feeling well. Let's just say I didn't want to get too far from home. But about this time last year, a similar winter storm knocked out our power for three days and we froze with no heat. We couldn't even drive somewhere else because there were live power lines down across the road. I certainly didn't want to go through that again, so yesterday I reluctantly bundled up and headed to Rural King.

When I got there, I, of course, wasn't the only person there looking at heaters. As a matter of fact, the portable heater aisle was pretty packed. I looked at the propane heaters first, because they were less expensive, but after purchasing the heater, the hose attachment, and the fuel filter, it nearly doubled the cost. I spent probably half an hour trying to figure out the different combinations of attachments to purchase. Even if we used the propane tanks that we already had at home for the grill, it wouldn't be worth it.

So I headed over to the kerosene heaters (which, if you remember, is what my husband wanted me to get anyway!). They had exactly what we needed, but no kerosene. I was beginning to get frustrated. Not to mention the fact that I REALLY wasn't feeling well and was pretty grouchy because of it. But I knew I couldn't go home without a heater.

I walked around for a bit, trying to figure out what to do. As I saw other people snatching up heaters and accessories right and left, I felt a little panicked. I was sick, I wanted to go home, and I needed a heater!

Finally, I turned a corner, and there it was! The VERY LAST CAN OF KEROSENE! I snatched it up and put it in my cart and headed to the check-out. After I left the store, I called my husband to tell him what I got and he was very happy with my purchase. I told him I had gotten the last can of kerosene and we both breathed a sigh of relief.

As I headed home, I got to thinking about how it seemed like God had provided that can of kerosene at the last minute. I know that they probably had some more stored somewhere in the back, and as soon as an employee realized the pallet was empty, they'd bring some more out, but that wasn't the point. The point was that it was a reminder that God always comes through for us, no matter the circumstance or what it is that we need.

I began to wonder how many times everything seemed to "just work out" and I didn't stop to recognize God's hand in it. How many times had He provided the money, or the time, or the people to meet some need in our lives and we took it for granted and moved on?

I don't have a big fancy house or car and I don't have the income to buy a new wardrobe full of the latest styles every season. We're not living on champaign and caviar and we don't get to jet to Europe or cruise to the French Riviera every summer. But we don't want for anything. The things that we really need: salvation, peace, love, food on our table, shelter over our heads, and families that love us? We're rich beyond measure.

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

As I finish this blog, I can hear the sleet hitting the windows and the trees outside. They're saying that it's probably going to continue doing this until about this time tomorrow. We didn't have school today and I'm going a little stir crazy cooped up in the house. But Mike wasn't able to make it to work today either, so at least I get to be cooped up in the house with my hubby. :-)

Across the room from me sits an assembled kerosene heater, big enough to heat the entire basement, and a can of kerosene to last about 3 days. There's food in the cabinets and warm clothes on my back. And I'm content. Thank you, God.

Mr. President

2009-01-20T20:42:00.006-06:00

I am NOT a fan of Barack Obama. I'm sure that he's a very nice man and a wonderful husband and an excellent father. But I don't agree with his politics. I didn't vote for him and I don't have high hopes for the changes he'll make to this country.

But today was an incredible day. As a white teacher whose students are 70% black, I think I have a very unique position from which to view the Inauguration. I remember the day after the election when a student in my classroom FOR THE FIRST TIME stood with her head held high and her hand planted firmly over her heart and virtually SHOUTED the pledge of allegiance after stating that she actually FELT like saying it that day. I watched today as a classroom full of teenagers who are extremely uninterested in current events sat glued to the TV because they were fully aware of the historical significance of what they were seeing. I listened as these same students discussed the events of the day with as much knowledge and understanding as any of my colleagues, including the social studies teachers! I saw a pride on their faces that I seldom see as they witnessed a man take the oath of office who, for the first time in their lives, and also in the lives of their parents and grandparents, actually looked like them.

I am afraid for my country. I am afraid that Obama's liberal views will do more harm than good. I am afraid that people desperate for change voted for a man who does not represent their values and they are going to discover that now that it is too late. I'm afraid that Socialism will creep into our country under the guise of helping disenfranchised Americans "get back on their feet." I am afraid that we will wake up in four years and realize that we have given up everything that is most important for what we thought we wanted at the moment.

But despite these fears that have me frequently on my knees on behalf of this country that I love, I can't help but smile today. I've seen a unity today that I haven't seen since 9-11. I've seen a hope, an excitement, and a pride not only in my students but in vast Americans across the country that seems to promise a new era in our country's history. I can only pray that this incredible spirit that seems to be surrounding this day will continue. I pray to Almighty God that He would use this for His glory in some way. I pray that He would stir up as much fervor in His followers, whether they be Republican or Democrat or Independent, as I have seen in the vast faces filling the National Mall today.

I don't agree with Barack Obama's politics. I don't have any faith that Obama's policies and decisions will be aligned with my beliefs and values. But I do have faith in an Almighty God who is not hindered by who is in office either here or in any other country in the world. I know that my God is in charge and His will shall be done with or without the help of an American president. So I pray that God will use the positive aspects of this day to lift up our national spirit and bring us together in an aura of respect and appreciation. I pray that He will rise up Christians to reach out to our fellow countrymen with love in our hearts and an eagerness to serve one another. I know that the God of the universe time and time again has taken negative and turned it into positive. So I choose to look at the positive. I choose to believe that the God who has a plan for each and every one of us also has a plan for the future of this country. And I choose to trust my God.

2009

2009-01-17T23:52:00.008-06:00

Wow, I really intended to add to this blog on a regular basis, but I haven't gotten off to a very good start! It seems that things are just now beginning to slow down after the Christmas holidays. First of all, Christmas really crept up on me like it never has before! I usually start Christmas shopping about the first of October and finish up in time to fully enjoy the holidays. This year (I think for the first time ever!), we were still shopping and wrapping the last two days before Christmas. It just seems like time flew so fast that Christmas hit me in the face. Which I really hate because I LOVE Christmas and was not able to enjoy it the way I would have liked.

But I did get to enjoy being with my husband, who was off work with me the week before and after Christmas. He has been working such long hours lately and saved his vacation time so that he could be off work at the same time I was. THAT was really nice! I wish that he could find a new job so that we could spend more time together and at church.

The real upside of all the time we got to spend together was that we got to talk. REALLY talk, like we haven't been able to do in a long time. We had such a rough 2008, with my husband battling kidney stones, our house falling apart, and a host of other things that life throws at you, that we've been anxiously awaiting 2009 for the chance to have a fresh start.

I'm not big on making resolutions. I know I need to lose weight, exercise regularly, fix healthier meals, keep a cleaner house, stick to a budget, save more money, give more money, spend more time with my family, watch less TV, read my Bible more, and (deep breath), spend more time on this blog. . . but I'm a miserable failure at keeping resolutions. So I don't make them anymore.

But we did come to a realization that turned into decisions, if not resolutions.

We could worry about a lot of things in 2009. God knows we did in 2008. We could worry about our finances, our jobs, our health, our families, the state of the world, whether or not we can or will have a baby, and whether or not everyone we love will still be here this time next year. And I could most definitely worry about Barack Obama! But why?

The Bible says in Matthew 6:25-34 that:

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Seriously. How can we call ourselves Christians if we don't believe the Bible is true? And how can we claim to believe the Bible is true if we don't LIVE like it is true? So we've decided to worry less in 2009. It's not a resolution, because it's not something at which we can fail. I know that we won't get all the way through 2009 without worrying. I, in particular, have a hard time with this. But my God keeps his promises. And He's a Daddy. He's a Daddy who loves his children with all His heart. He loves us more than our finite minds can even fathom. He's not going to let us down and He's not going to let us fall. We may face some tough challenges this year. Everything may not go our way. We may even face some tragedy at some point. But no matter what happens, God will still be on His throne. He has a plan for us and He holds us in the palm of His hand. I have nothing to fear. And definitely nothing to worry about.

Mom's Birthday

2008-12-05T16:06:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was my mom's birthday. She passed away in 1996. I was only 23 years old. My sisters were 16 and 18. It's always hard this time of year, not only because her birthday is in December, but also because she loved Christmas so much. My mom would have stripped every bit of furniture, carpet, wallpaper, and nick-nacks out of the house and replaced it with Christmas decorations every year if she had the means to do so. She LOVED Christmas. We decorated the house, watched Christmas movies, listened to Christmas music (especially Elvis!), and made a big deal out of buying presents. She loved going to our Christmas concerts at school and church, decorating the tree, and being woken up before dawn on Christmas morning to watch her little girls open their Christmas presents. Having a birthday in December meant that she often received Christmas decorations for her birthday. But I don't think she would have had it any other way. One of the last birthday presents I remember giving her was a country style stuffed Santa Claus. He was soft and plush and had twine for a beard. I only remember him sitting out for one Christmas before she passed. I have him now and he always holds a special place of honor when I decorate my own home for Christmas. I'm glad that my sisters and I have all been able to keep some of mom's Christmas decorations, because she loved them so much and they mean something special when we get them out each year. I'll probably never have any kids, but if I do, I'll be sure to tell them about how much their Grandma loved Christmas and that she gets to celebrate Jesus's birthday with Him now face to face. Meanwhile, I'll help my sister keep her memory alive for my nephew and niece (who is named after her). Happy birthday and Merry Christmas, Mom. I love you.

Trash Cans

2008-11-29T22:40:00.006-06:00

So, I have a bit of a dilemma. Does anyone know how to get rid of a trash can?!?!?! A few months ago, my husband accidentally ran over the large, rolling trash bin that we haul trash down the hill in to be picked up once a week. It cracked the trash bin and lid to the point where, although it still worked, it was a bit of a mess. Because the lid was cracked, the rain would leak through the lid, but run out the leak at the bottom of the bin. The crack didn't pose too big of a problem, except for the neighborhood dogs, cats, and raccoons could all smell the contents of the trash, so we had to begin leaving the trash bin in the garage until trash day or we would wake up to a yard full of trash that the nocturnal animals had helped themselves to the night before. I bought a replacement, which was smaller, but it seems that, with the holidays, we have been disposing of more trash lately. So we finally had to give in and buy a LARGE heavy-duty, rolling trash bin today. Which leaves us with the aforementioned dilemma. We need to dispose of the old, cracked trash bin, but exactly how do you do that????? The normal rule for trash is that everything must be inside of a trash bag, but if we have a large box or broken fan or some such item, they will usually go ahead and take it. But how do you get rid of an unwanted trash bin? It's not like they're going to know that we want them to take the bin. I could put a note on it, but then I would probably have to acknowedge the fact that I know the rule is, technically, that it has to be inside of a trash bag. And would they even take it? Do I have to pay to have it hauled off to the dump? I feel guilty for even wanting to throw a trash bin away, for some reason. I don't know why I am in such a quandary over this, but it seems like one of those "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" type problems. Hmmm. . .maybe I could use it for cardboard. I wonder if the animals would still get into it, thinking that there must be food in there somewhere. . .what's a girl to do. . .

Should I or shouldn't I?

2008-11-28T07:55:00.002-06:00

I'm sitting here debating whether or not to go shopping today. My husband had to work, so I'm alone, and tonight I'm meeting up with some high school friends to have our annual reunion dinner. I don't really FEEL like shopping, and I have tons of stuff to do (clean the house, grade papers, do laundry, etc.), but we're going have to cut back a bit on Christmas spending this year and there are such DEALS today! I'm sure I'm not the only one having this debate in their head. Hmmm........I'll have to keep thinking about it.

Since when is candy corn ONLY for Halloween?

2008-11-26T07:30:00.001-06:00

Every year, I make little "turkey cookies" for my nieces, nephews, and cousins' kids on Thanksgiving. I've gotten kind of tired of them, but boy, do I hear about it if I show up without them! I've never taken pictures of them, and I tried to find a picture of them online, to no avail. This is the closest I could find:

The cookie is an Oreo, and the turkey's head is a Hershey's kiss. The feathers are made of candy corn and everything is held together with chocolate icing. All the kids at our Thanksgiving LOVE them, so I spend every Thanksgiving Eve diligently working on Turkey Cookies.

I know that I waited until the last minute this year, but last night I went looking for candy corn. I remember when I was a kid that my dad's favorite two candies were Brach's circus peanuts and candy corn. Occasionally we would have a small bag of one of the two candies in the house. They were always available and plentiful! Well, apparently not anymore. I looked EVERYWHERE for them. Grocery stores, convenience stores, pharmacies, discount stores. I finally ended up at Walgreens, where we found "Reindeer corn" last year, which was candy corn that was colored red and green for Christmas. Alas, they had neither! A store clerk told me that she thinks candy corn has become a purely Halloween candy and she would be surprised if I found any anywhere.

What?!?!?!?!? Halloween candy?!?!? Granted, I know that it is often associated with Halloween, but come on! I've eaten candy corn year-round all my life! Haven't I? I began to question my own sanity. And I was getting depressed. How can I disappoint all the kids at Grandma's on Thursday? I already had all the other ingredients. I can't possibly NOT make Turkey Cookies! It's just not acceptable! I will be ostracized from my own family's Thanksgiving celebration! It just can't be!!!!

The clerk helped me find an alternate candy. I decided that fall-colored Mike and Ike's would have to do. But it just won't be the same. I DO have one last, small grocery store to check this morning on my way to help my grandma get ready for tomorrow. It's the same store where my parents bought the little bags of Brach's candy corn all those years. I'm hoping, wishing, praying that they have AT LEAST ONE bag of candy corn. For my sake. For Thanksgiving's sake. For the sake of all those poor little kids who will be devastated to spend a Thanksgiving without their Turkey Cookies! For the sake of all that is holy!

I'll let you know the result. If I DO happen to find some, I'll post some pictures of the cookies when they're done. Maybe I'll inspire others to make Turkey Cookies for their Thanksgiving celebration. Maybe it will cause such a demand for candy corn that candy manufacturers will be FORCED to make candy corn available year-round. I can only dream. . .

UPDATE: I found them! Yes, that little store had several small bags, the cookies have been made, and Thanksgiving is saved! I forgot to take pictures today, but I will take them tomorrow and get them posted.

Couldn't Sleep Last Night

2008-11-24T15:38:00.000-06:00

I couldn't sleep last night. Not sure why. I'm usually an extremely sound sleeper. Rarely do I have trouble falling or staying asleep. In fact, I usually find it hard to wake up! I think last night may have been a result of too much on my mind. Thanksgiving is coming up, I'm behind on lesson plans and grading papers, I haven't started Christmas shopping yet, my husband hates his job and I worry about him. . .I could go on and on. But the biggest thing, I think, is my relationship with God. I once felt a hunger and thirst for my creator that couldn't be quenched. I attended church every time the doors were open, worked with youth, attended Bible study with a huge group of other Christians, prayed and studied my Bible regularly, listened to Christian music. And still, I couldn't get enough of Jesus! I miss those days. Lately, it seems like I've been just going through the motions. And I know it. I'm not in denial at all. In fact, I've prayed lately for God to light that fire again. To put a hunger in my soul that I can't ignore. But it's just not happening. After I was in bed last night, I started thinking about what has changed. Nothing, really. I just couldn't put my finger on it. I'm not sure if it was my soul-searching that was keeping me awake, or that Still Small Voice that was trying to speak to me and I just wasn't listening. Finally I drifted off into a light and restless sleep.

By the time my alarm clock went off this morning, I wasn't quite ready to get up, but at least I'd gotten SOME sleep. Before hopping in the shower, I turned the radio on in the bathroom as I usually do to listen to the local Christian radio station. The very first song that came on nearly knocked me over:

Magnificent Obsession by Steven Curtis Chapman
This is everything I want
This is eveything I need
I want this to be my one consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You, Jesus
Be my magnificent obsession

So capture my heart again
Take me to depths I've never been. . .

Wow! The whole song is exactly how I feel right now. I've heard this song a million times, but it seemed to speak to exactly where I am at this particular point in time. I prayed that God would hear that song as a prayer from my lips. I want Jesus to be my Magnificent Obsession again!

A few minutes later, I was eating breakfast and watching the news. I had decided the night before that I needed to get back to starting every day with Bible study, so I picked up the Bible and devotional that I had placed on the table before I went to bed. The next lesson (picking up where I had left off some time ago!) was on Jeremiah 29. Great! Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my favorite verses! I had forgotten that just two short verses later, is this attention grabber:

Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV) You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Ouch! It hit me like a ton of bricks. Is that really what I HADN'T been doing? I've recently gotten married, acquired 6 new nieces and nephews (up from just one!), changed my circle of friends, started some new projects. . .and where was God in all this? He used to be my focus. He used to be my passion. I was consumed with Him. He was first in my life. He isn't anymore. Sure, He's still important to me. I still go to church, read my Bible (sporadically), pray (how often have I let my husband offer up a joint prayer for us both?), listen to Christian music. But actually, actively, passionately, sought Him and followed after Him? Nope. I have been praying that God would light that fire in me again. I think this morning, though, He was telling me that it's already lit, but I haven't been feeding it. I don't think the Christian life is meant to be lived as a constant pursuit of trying to get back into God's good graces. I'm secure in my salvation. I don't think that God has a list of "deeds" that He requires of me. He doesn't love me any less because I haven't read my Bible lately as much as I used to. But just like my relationship with my husband requires attention, so does my relationship with God. He wants me to have an unquenchable thirst for Him just as much, certainly more, than I do. But if He truly is first in my life, I have to start acting like it. The more Jesus you get, the more you want. I need to be a God chaser.

My First Blog!

2008-11-23T21:08:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking about this blogging thing for a while. I follow several blogs and the ones I enjoy the most seem to be centered around a spiritual journey or the children in a family. Well, we don't have any children, but I am on a spiritual journey! I waited a long time to get married, and it seems like the world of church and Christianity is centered around being married. Churches don't seem to know what to do with singles. I often felt excluded, forgotten, and left out in church. Especially since I did not have the benefit of attending church with family like parents or siblings. I was a single girl, on my own! Now that I've gotten married, I've come to realize that, despite the fact that I have now joined "the Land of the Marrieds," I'm still left out! Church is not only centered around "marrieds," it's also centered around "families." Having no kids means they still don't know what to do with me! The only difference is, now it's "we." I don't know if my husband and I will have any children. He's in his 40's, I'm in my 30's, and although we're leaving it up to God, it's not looking like that's His will. We're okay with that, but are we going to feel forever left out of things? I'm not bitter or angry, just wondering. I thought I would use this blog to talk about my daily walk with my husband, my Lord, and no children. . .